Dig Two Graves

"Dig Two Graves" (2017, Hunter Adams) is a tale of loss of innocence and revenge.

Jake (Samantha Isler) is obsessed with the death of her elder brother. One day she is offered a chance to bring him back, but at a terrible cost. Her grandfather, Sheriff Waterhouse (Ted Levine), tries to make up for his own terrible choices, but can he help Jake in time or will she make her own way?

An intriguing premise with some interesting characters and substantial core acting, but a slow, meandering plot that didn't keep my interest. Some of the cinematography is striking and the themes of the loss of childhood innocence and the dangers of obsession and revenge are strong. Although the film explores some dark themes, including power, rape and murder, the styling of the film and its pace rob it of some of its more shocking strength.

All in all, not a terrible film by any stretch, but the artistic choices make it seem like nothing of note really happens and everything seemed a bit muddy.

Hani

Thinner

"Thinner" (1996, Tom Holland, Spelling Films International, Paramount Pictures, Lions Gate Entertainment) is an adaptation of the Stephen King book of the same name. It's a story with a not so hidden message: Be a nice person and don't piss off any gypsies!... Or else!

This film has suffered from a lot of criticism, but I watched it with an open mind and can't really understand the harshness of some people's views. Yes, it's a simple plot, and yes it features primarily unlikable characters, but is that really so worthy of a damning review? I think not. For a start, I rarely like a lot of characters in horror films... Like most people I always wind up rooting for the bad guy! However, in a film such as this there is no particular bad guy or good guy. Just people being all grey and in-betweenish. Some are dicks and some are cruel, and some don't deserve their fate and that's that. Maybe that's why some people don't like this film?

Billy Halleck (Robert John Burke) is a morbidly obese lawyer. His wife, Heidi (Lucinda Jenney), is trying to get him to lose weight, but he's just not very motivated: he likes his food, he likes his booze and he's got money, why bother losing weight?

Their daughter, Linda (Bethany Joy Lenz), is his pride and joy, and out of all the characters, he relates most casually to her. His wife is a bit of a moan, so I can't blame him for that! ;)

Billy has just won a case for a known criminal and gangster, Richie "The Hammer" Ginelli (Joe Mantegna - yes, the voice of Fat Tony from 'The Simpsons'!) - so you know he's due some bad karma!

Aside from being fat, lazy and with a dubious set of morals when it comes to his profession (but then again, he's a lawyer!), I didn't see him as too bad a guy, really. His mates on the other hand...

There is a gypsy carnival in town, which is causing a stir, particularly amongst the local Judge, Cary (John Horton) and Police Chief (Daniel von Bargen), who are prejudiced against the gypsies and sexist to the young gypsy girl, Gina (Kari Wührer).

When driving home one night, and while otherwise occupied... Billy accidentally runs over an elderly gypsy woman, killing her! He finds a way to get around that whole problematic law thing about cars and killing folk, however, which results in him being faced with the wrath of the Gypsy leader, Tadzu Lempke (Michael Constantine), who curses him.

Naturally, the curse begins quite positively, as Billy is still eating like a horse, but is losing weight. It isn't until he realises that the weight loss won't stop that he becomes worried!

I found this film entertaining, and although the 'twist' was quite obvious, this is more from having read a lot of Stephen King stories, rather than it being uninspired. The characters are unlikable because this is their purpose to the message. I was confused, though, as to whether there was a secondary hidden message about being content and a nicer person and being thin, hungry and devious.... But maybe I'm over thinking it.

The effects are good, and quite gruesome, but not in a particularly gory way (most of the time). In particular, the thin Billy stuff is quite shocking. It's all a bit schlocky, which I like, and for some reason I felt this film was from earlier than '96!

Not many Stephen King adaptations are done successfully, but I like this one. It's got a good simple plot, some angry gypsies, curses, revenge, brutal off-screen deaths, back-firing revenge attempts, gangsters, fat suits, car chases, skeletal people... What more do you want?

Give it a chance, even if you haven't read the book!

[Image: Spelling Films International, Paramount Pictures & Lions Gate Entertainment]

Hani

Drag Me To Hell

"Drag Me To Hell" (2009, Sam Raimi, Universal Pictures) is a movie about a girl who is cursed by an old lady.

Christine Brown (Alison Lohman) is a bank loan officer. Feeling like she is failing in her career prospects because of her friendly nature, she finally takes out her frustrations on a creepy old woman, Sylvia Ganush (Lorna Raver), who is looking for another extension on her mortgage. Christine tells Mrs Ganush that she cannot give her an extension, and Mrs Ganush begs her to reconsider (like literally, on her knees). Christine has Mrs Ganush thrown off of the premises.

She later runs into Mrs Ganush again who attacks her and tells her she's cursed.

Then the crazy terror begins. In true Raimi style it's nuts and manic! And uh... gross. Brilliantly gross! And hilarious! Like a live action 'Tom and Jerry' cartoon if it had been written by Sam Raimi.

I think Alison Lohman does very well in the, how can I say it? - 'female Ash' role. Which it pretty much is; innocent person put into crazy situation, goes crazy, does crazy things.... it never ends well for them! She goes crazy in an entertaining way. And she's feisty, not the poor-me female lead... but hell does she scream! OK, she's no Bruce Campbell, but I find her performance most enjoyable.

The spirit torments poor Christine through the whole movie. She cannot find forgiveness from Ganush, as she is dead, and she simply appears mad to everyone around her, including her boyfriend Clay (Justin Long). Thankfully, she finds help from a fortune teller, Rham Jas (Dileep Lao), the only person who believes her. Jas convinces her to pay Shaun San Dena (Flor de Maria Chahua), the woman we see at the beginning of the movie who was unable to save a young cursed boy, $10,000 to save her.

There's some séance-ing along with some chanting of "I welcome the dead into my soul!" which reminds me of the deadite's chant in 'Evil Dead 2'; "I'll swallow your soul!"

Really fun, even if it is a bit odd; I mean, crazy old lady or not, surely someone explained what mortgaging your house meant to her?!

Anyway, I'd recommend for some gore, fantasy violence and shock value. And it's very loud!

[Picture: Universal Pictures]

Hani 

Creepshow 3

"Creepshow 3" (2006, Ana Clavell, James Dudelson, Creepy Film Productions) is the third installment of the Creepshow collection. The original "Creepshow" was created by Stephen King and George A. Romero. "Creepshow 3" was not. And you can tell.

Just like the rest of the series, "Creepshow 3" is a collection of shorts. In this collection we have 5 mini-movies; "Alice", "The Radio", "Call Girl", "The Professor's Wife" and "Haunted Dog".

While this is by far my least favourite of the "Creepshow"series, it is by no means a terrible way to spend a Monday evening amongst good friends and chocolate Rice Krispies cakes (yes, that is indeed how I spent last night).

Unlike "Creepshow" and "Creepshow 2", "Creepshow 3" does not have any narration by 'The Creep', and instead of the stories coming from the "Creepshow" Comic book as it was in the previous installments, in "Creepshow 3" the shorts have interlinking characters and are common in setting and surroundings (the hot dog stand for instance). Kind of reminds me of "Pulp Fiction"...

Anyway, the stories are odd, confusing and just not as striking as the first two movies. But the special effects are gloriously gorey!

"Alice" is fabulously disgusting. I at first thought Alice was getting her comeuppance for being a shallow, bitchy teenager, but after much debate with my good friend Jim, we came to conclusion that she was not, infact, a girl all along! We likened this story to one of the 'Goosebumps' tales from our childhood (the one when the children begin turning into dogs, but it turns out they were really dogs who'd been turned into children). An apt description, I think.

"The Radio" was one of my favourites. If you've seen "Magic" (1978, Anthony Hopkins) which is about a ventriloquist who begins killing people because the dummy told him to, then you'll enjoy this one. I like the transition of Jerry's character from 'Only-decent-dude-on-the-block' to 'paranoid-murderer/burglar'. Sad times when you become a freak in a building full of hookers, pimps and drug addicts...

"Call Girl" had a nice twist. I won't give it away.

"The Professor's Wife" I felt was clumsy and pointless. I think they would have noticed their mistake earlier, no?

"Haunted Dog" was very similar to "The Hitch-Hiker" short in "Creepshow 2" when the woman is haunted by the hitch-hiker she ran over... Thanks for the ride, lady! and Thanks for the good dog are much too similar phrases... The only saving grace for this short was how much I liked the dick-head doctor! Hilarious!

I enjoyed spotting the interlinking characters and watching the other stories happening around each other, although I found some of the story telling to be lazy and the absence of The Creep just ruined it for me! There was a small face-melting hint at the end with the hot dog vendor, but it just wasn't the same.

All in all, not the best, but frankly I've seen worse so no booby prize either!

[Picture: Creepy Film Productions]

Hani

Man with the Screaming Brain

"Man with the Screaming Brain" (2005, Bruce Campbell, SciFi Channel).

I just opened my "The Bruce Campbell Collection" boxset, so expect some raving reviews on the works of the B-Movie king!

I'm not sure what I expected from this comedy/sci-fi/horror, but "Man with the Screaming Brain" delivers everthing it says on the tin (or rather, the box...) and accomplishes it with the cheesey, awesome style I've come to expect from such quality productions.

The Basic Plot

William Cole (Bruce Campbell) is a rich business tycoon in the pharmaceutical industry. He and his wife Jackie (Antoinette Byron) arrive 'somewhere in Bulgaria', where most people seem to be Russian, for a conference. Bruce Campbell happily hams up his 'ugly American' capitalist character into an unlikeable jackass. And his wife is an equally unlikeable rich-bitch love cheat.

The mad scientist, Dr. Ivan Ivanov (Stacy Keach) and his assistant, Pavel (Ted Raimi) are working on a scientific solution to halt body rejection of transplanted organs. Raimi gives a hilarious performance and really clearly enjoys the role. Also, I watched this with a guy working on his PhD in Theoretical Physics and we had to pause a scene while he studied their blackboard so that we could confirm that yes, indeed, it was just a bunch of equations which together have no meaning! Note to self, avoid movies with equations when watching with scientists in future!

Cole rudely dismisses an invite to see the doctor's work. Too bad for him, huh?

Cole and Jackie take a taxi and wind up in Gypsie Town where they witness a fight and also spy the mysterious Gypsie beauty, Tatoya (Tamara Gorski).

Jackie quickly gets frisky with the taxi driver, Yegor (Vladimir Kolev), a character I also really enjoyed. Cole, in the meantime, tries his luck with Tatoya, but is instead robbed and then bludgeoned when he attempts to take back his belongings. Yegor witnesses the attack on Cole and confronts Tatoya (who is his ex-fiancée) only to be killed himself!

The doctor then takes this opportunity to demonstrate his research to Mr. Cole first hand by bringing him back to life!

Cole later awakens to find that he is in the doctor's very-convincing (yes, that was sarcasm) laboratory, and has been 'patched up' using some parts of Yegor's brain where his had been damaged. I enjoyed the cranial stitching, also very convincing (yes, more sarcasm!). Cole escapes the laboratory and discovers that he can hear Yegor speaking to him inside his head!

Jackie, in a fit of rage, attacks Tatoya for killing her husband, but is then also killed by that gypsie minx. Luckily, she's brought back as a robot in a yellow catsuit.

There's some more fighting, an unconvincing car chase, a tiny explosion and of course, no Bruce Campbell movie would be complete without the textbook Bruce vs Bruce scene!

(Picture: Scifi Channel)

Verdict

I thoroughly enjoyed this movie. If it were a rollercoaster, it's definitely the one where you ride on the caterpillar through the apple core; simple, pleasing and not at all scary!

Ted Raimi steals the show and I do enjoy his American-being-Bulgarian-being-Russian-being-American-rapping! Hilarious!