Critters Attack!

"Critters Attack!" (2019, Bobby Miller, New Line Cinema, Warner Bros. Television) is the fifth film in the Critters horror comedy franchise.

We follow the story of Drea (Tashiana Washington) who reluctantly agrees to babysit the kids of a college professor, hoping that this might increase her chances of being accepted to the school. She, her little brother, Philip (Jaeden Noel), Trissy (Ava Preston) and Jake (Jack Fulton) come across an injured white female Krite in the forest and unwittingly take it with them which makes them a target for the other, more violent Krites who chase after them, killing and eating everyone and everything in their path...

It was fun to see the Krites back to their usual menacing and humorous antics and to see Dee Wallace back to battle them after the first film. However, the film didn't quite hold up along with the rest of the series in my view. The kids all deliver good performances with Washington as a good leading lady, but the characters themselves are fairly unlikeable and a bit bland. Characters in Critters films are pretty much just critter-fodder anyway, but it seemed like a missed opportunity considering how much time we spend with the four main characters in the film. They felt like characters written by someone who dislikes children and young adults. Aside from Dee Wallace, there are little to no other ties to the other four films. The film also meanders a lot and seems to run out of steam before its eventual conclusion.

But it is still worth your time, especially if you are a fan of its predecessors. The effects are fun, practical and suitably gory with the familiar glowing red eyes and ridiculous rolling balls of teeth hitting all the right chords. In terms of the creatures themselves and the action delivered, this entry feels very much like a film made for the fans and offers a nice amount of nostalgia.

[Image: Warner Bros. Television]

Hani

Critters 4

"Critters 4" (1992, Rupert Harvey, New Line Cinema) is the final movie in the "Critters" franchise and is based in space (as where else would you end a franchise about aliens?!)

Our hero Charlie (Don Keith Opper) has awoken from hypersleep in the capsule where he was meant to leave the Critter eggs at the end of "Critters 3", to find himself in deep space in the year 2045 on a "Firefly"-esque ship, crewed by a bunch of thieves, salvagers, raggamuffins and space drug addicts who have unwittingly brought him and the menaces aboard thinking the pod to be valuable.

The whole set-up is very familiar if you've seen "Firefly" or "Serenity". The country and western-ish background music is also very reminiscent of the show and movie. I can't help but wonder if Mr. Whedon is a "Critters" fan!

Even the crew includes a balshy, but dick-headed (definitely not a Cap'n Mal character) captain aptly named Rick (with a silent 'p', I think!) played by Anders Hove.

You also have your tough chick, female crew member, Fran (Angela Bassett), young keen teenager Ethan (Paul Whitthorne), super geek Al Bert (Brad Dourif) and drug addict tough guy, Bernie (Eric DaRe).

The crew have called the pod in to the Terracorp Council to try and receive a reward, and have boarded the space station head quarters to find them deserted and run by a worn down and malfunctioning supercomputer named Angela (voiced by Martine Beswick). Angela will only carry out orders if told not to (the crew don't have access, see, so if they say not to do something, she clearly has access to do that.... logical!?!).

It's all very interesting taking the last surviving Critters back into space. The crew aren't well developed characters, but are surprisingly rounded for B-movie horror characters. The setting is very dated, but carries well with the plot and the kills are gorey and fun like they should be.

Ug (Terrence Mann) returns after having been promoted to the place of Counselor Tetra. He seems to have changed with this promotion and become quite devious. One might think he orchestrated poor Charlie's misfortune in leaving Earth!

This film follows directly after the Third movie, and feels as such.

The Critters are lesser in number, but the film takes the story in a slightly different angle (without losing the charming gore-soaked-hand-puppets angle that we know and love).

Like most sequels closer to five than one, it's just not got the same feel to it that 1 and 2 did. But on the whole, is a nice roundoff to a fun, low budget series of killer porcupines. And the characters are on the whole, a lot less stupid than the ones seen in Grover's Bend and in the tenement building! Although, I suppose they are space men...

Definitely a must see if you've seen the previous films!

If you've seen "Android" you may also recognise at least one clip in this flick, too!

[Picture: New Line Cinema]

Baby Critters just don't inspire the same 'aww' factor that most creatures do!

Hani

Critters 3

"Critters 3" (1991, Kristine Peterson, New Line Cinema) is the third installment in the "Critters" fanchise, and takes the story out of Grover's Bend and instead into an unnamed city, in the tenement house of our main characters.

Also, this was Leondardo DiCaprio's film debut! Long before he was running around on the Titanic saving rich red-haired women from iceberg-induced-doom, he was running around a tenement block saving people from spiky-alien-pirhana-hamsters-of-doom!

Some kids bump into what they think is a raving lunatic, but is actually Charlie (Don Keith Opper),...-so they were right- who warns them of the Crites.

The critters manage to lay some crazy-Crite eggs under the car of Clifford (John Calvin), an uninterested and unmotivated father, who has lost his wife some years before and is evidently in depression. He has two children; teenager, Annie (Aimee Brooks) who is distressed at her father's behaviour and is trying to shake it out of him, and her young brother Johnny (Christian & Joseph Cousins; a movie trick of the trade to use identical twins for young parts as children tend to be tired or grumpy after a long day).

The family drive home to their building where all of their fellow tenents are slowly leaving due to caretaker, Frank (Geoffrey Blake) and owner Briggs (William Dennis Hunt) refusing to fix anything so that they can sell to a land developer without having to pay the tenents relocation fees. Briggs and his stepson, Josh (DiCaprio) arrive to push the tenents further by turning off the power and cutting the phone lines. Josh is against this plan however, and soon joins the side of the tenents.

The Crites hatch and attack the building, and Charlie shows up to save the day again! With the help of a telephone repair woman, Marcia (Katherine Cortez), an overweight lady, Rosalie (Diane Bellamy) and an elderly couple, the Menges (Frances Bay and Bill Zuckert) and the kids he battles the Crites.

The action is again, quite gruesome and funny. The Critters develop little evil personalities and have some fun with the tenents and the washing up liquid. Not as good as the first two, but when has a 'blah blah 3' ever been? But the plot is more centralised and the characters are more developed than before. Charlie is entertaining as the hero of the piece. His interesting space and junk gadgets are peculiar but suited to the film.

I appreciated the scene with Marcia dangling from the telephone wire; "No! No! No!... Yes! Yes! Yes!"

And DiCaprio's really sweet as a teen actor. The other child actors are also very good, especially the little twin boys portraying Johnny (such cute little kids!)

The pace is good, the gore is funny and plentiful and the overall story is centralised enough to keep moving without becoming complicated.

All in all, a valiant comedy horror sequel with a lead in for a direct follow on in "Critters 4". Only thing that was missing was more from Ug who only appears as a cameo at the tail end!

[Picture: as marked]

Hani

Critters 2

"Critters 2: The Main Course" (1988, Mick Garris, New Line Cinema) is the second installment of the Critters series. I reviewed "Critters" back in April of this year, so maybe check out that review before reading this one! Also, I enjoy that this film came out the year I was born!

I liked "Critters" but "Critters 2" is way better! Pretty much, poor old Bradley Brown (Scott Grimes), the boy (who cried wolf) from the first movie, has returned to Grover's Bend to visit his grandmother. But, as in all horror movie sequels, his return spells bad news for the town as the Crites return for another snack!

Two eejits have found some mysterious looking eggs in the old Brown residence and have decided to sell them as Easter Eggs. Did I mention this film is set at Easter? No? Well, now you know!

The eggs are, you've guessed it, Critter eggs and soon begin to hatch little headghog-rat-pirhana aliens of doom!

Charlie McFadden (Don Keith Opper), the town drunk from the first movie, has become an alien bounty hunter joining our two alien bounty hunters Ug (Terrence Mann) and Lee (faceless dude at this point, but later transforms into Roxanne Kernohan) from the first film. He returns with his shape-shifting cronies to save the day!

The writers have by this point realised their place in the market as a funny and rougher-edged Gremlins and capitalise on this nicely. Some of the Crites begin to develop personalities and the deadpan and slapstick antics of the hungry, hungry hand-puppets are entertaining and gorey.

The acting's even less wooden in this sequel, and the story is a lot more clean cut and with a love interest, Megan (Liane Alexandra Curtis) for Brad.

Ug and Lee come into their own as characters, too.

The townspeople in these movies are just generally not too bright... the amount of WTF moments is quite high.

Some hilarious and quite brutal death scenes, my favourite has to be the bunny costume one! But you have to watch to see!

Really funny, not really scary and a brilliant sequel to a hilarious B-movie monster comedy. And remember, lots of heads in a ball are better than one, right?

[Picture: New Line Cinema]

Hani

Critters

"Critters" (1986, New Line Cinema, Stephen Herek)

Some accuse it of being bargain-bin Gremlins. I say it's comedy gold! Sure it's about a bunch of alien mini-monsters with big gnashers trying to eat... well, anything, but there's no mention of getting them wet! Also - bounty hunters from space! Win!

Some of the acting in this movie (and indeed, the full series of movies) is entertainingly bad.

"This....phone....is.............................................dead!" Dun-dun-dun!!!!

But it doesn't take away from the terror. The terror of slimey green, hairy, carnivorous, non-spiney hedgehogs from space!!!! Heck no, this movie's not scary. In fact stick it in a marathon with 'Leprechaun' and 'Trolls' and you have a winning bad-movie night.

But it's fun. The plot is pretty rough and unfinished and the acting is more wooden than my desk, but this is a movie worth having in your collection for when you've had a few too many bourbons and you're not sure which way is up anymore.

(Picture: New Line Cinema)