The Cloverfield Paradox

"The Cloverfield Paradox" (2018, Julius Onah, Paramount Pictures, Bad Robot Productions, Netflix) is a loose sequel in the Cloverfield franchise.

Paradox is a good enough sci-fi romp hindered by trying to force it into the confines of a sequel. Most of the action takes place in space following a crew trying to find a solution to Earth's increasing energy crisis. We follow protagonist and space station engineer, Ava (Gugu Mbatha-Raw). In all, the other crew mate characters are mostly thin in characterisation, with the exception of the charismatic Mundy (Chris O'Dowd) who seems to be able to steal scenes in almost everything he's in anyway.

There's some fairly decent space horror scenes which reflect genre greats including Alien and Event Horizon and a nice amount of jumpy bits as well as some humour.

However, the film suffers from some jolting scene jumps with the story bouncing from Earth to the space station and some of the Cloverfield nods and mentions felt a bit tacked on as if they were intended for a separate movie.

I didn't hate it as much as some, but I felt like it was given somewhat of a disservice and would have benefited as a standalone film.

[Image: Paramount Pictures, et al]

Hani

The Crawling Hand

"The Crawling Hand" (1963, Herbert L. Strock, Donald J. Hansen Enterprises) is an American sci-fi horror about why even med students shouldn't take home severed human remains as souvenirs...

Right, Vyvyan?

Back to the film...

Young Paul Lawrence (Rod Lauren) discovers the severed arm of a deceased astronaut whilst out on the beach with his girlfriend. He takes the gruesome discovery home but lives to regret this decision as the arm comes back to life, strangling everyone in its wake....

A very of-its-era black and white film, with fun background music and too much dialogue. Man finally landed on the moon in 1969, but this film was made right at the time of the space race hype. The action is quite tame by today's standards, but people like me will still get a kick out of it and enjoy the film for what it is; classic, cheesy horror. The acting is pretty campy, but for me that just enhances the experience.

The film also features Syd Saylor in his final film role, and a small nod to Bela Lugosi. It was also featured in the Mystery Science Theatre 3000.

Hani 

The Incredible Melting Man

"The Incredible Melting Man" (1977, William Sachs, American International Pictures, Columbia Pictures) is a Sci-Fi horror.

Steve West (Alex Rebar) is one of three astronauts who are accidentally subjected to a lot of radiation whilst in space. He returns as the only survivor, seriously unrecognisably wounded as he may be. I mean, even his moustache didn't survive!

Steve awakes to discover his melted visage and body and immediately goes on an amusing rampage, murdering and mutilating anyone in his way using his new found super-decomposing-radioactive powers.

In hot pursuit are Steve's pals, Dr. Ted Nelson (Burr DeBanning), Dr Loring (Lisle Wilson) and Sheriff Blake (Michael Alldredge). Can they stop this melting madman from wreaking havoc?!

With a touch of parody feel to it, this cheesy 70s homage to the earlier goopy alien movies of the 50s really pleased that so-bad-it's-good fan in me.

Reused scenes where budget restricted effects (really fun gory effects from the talented Rick Baker known for "Schlock", "It's Alive", "An American Werewolf In London", "Thriller"...to name a few) pattern through the film. Obviously so.

Cheesy dialogue and random happenings mark this as a definitive so-bad film. But those effects really bring it up a notch!

Definitely not for the casual horror viewer, this film is unlikely to keep you awake at night, but it is a fun little 70s cheese-fest.

[Image: Columbia Pictures]

Hani

Prometheus

"Prometheus" (2012, Ridley Scott, Twentieth Century Fox, Scott Free, Brandywine) is the almost-a-prequel to the "Alien" movies. It explores the creatures' origins and the 'history' of the events leading 'up' to the classic film we all know and love.

Whilst the film was certainly not required for the franchise, and, in my view, added very little to it, it is damned gory and has lots of fun gadgets and effects to enjoy.

Some wonderfully simple and deadly creatures plague our crew as they attempt to answer that all important question, "Why are we here?".

With some deservedly fun and grotesque death scenes, considering our cast's sheer disregard for any kind of protocol, rest assured that you will be treated to a cacophony of blood, guts and gloop, but really I'd probably be more likely to stick on "Alien" and "Aliens" if I want to see any murderous space creatures.

Not exactly the most cerebral of films, but definitely worth a look.

[Image: Twentieth Century Fox]

Hani

Critters 4

"Critters 4" (1992, Rupert Harvey, New Line Cinema) is the final movie in the "Critters" franchise and is based in space (as where else would you end a franchise about aliens?!)

Our hero Charlie (Don Keith Opper) has awoken from hypersleep in the capsule where he was meant to leave the Critter eggs at the end of "Critters 3", to find himself in deep space in the year 2045 on a "Firefly"-esque ship, crewed by a bunch of thieves, salvagers, raggamuffins and space drug addicts who have unwittingly brought him and the menaces aboard thinking the pod to be valuable.

The whole set-up is very familiar if you've seen "Firefly" or "Serenity". The country and western-ish background music is also very reminiscent of the show and movie. I can't help but wonder if Mr. Whedon is a "Critters" fan!

Even the crew includes a balshy, but dick-headed (definitely not a Cap'n Mal character) captain aptly named Rick (with a silent 'p', I think!) played by Anders Hove.

You also have your tough chick, female crew member, Fran (Angela Bassett), young keen teenager Ethan (Paul Whitthorne), super geek Al Bert (Brad Dourif) and drug addict tough guy, Bernie (Eric DaRe).

The crew have called the pod in to the Terracorp Council to try and receive a reward, and have boarded the space station head quarters to find them deserted and run by a worn down and malfunctioning supercomputer named Angela (voiced by Martine Beswick). Angela will only carry out orders if told not to (the crew don't have access, see, so if they say not to do something, she clearly has access to do that.... logical!?!).

It's all very interesting taking the last surviving Critters back into space. The crew aren't well developed characters, but are surprisingly rounded for B-movie horror characters. The setting is very dated, but carries well with the plot and the kills are gorey and fun like they should be.

Ug (Terrence Mann) returns after having been promoted to the place of Counselor Tetra. He seems to have changed with this promotion and become quite devious. One might think he orchestrated poor Charlie's misfortune in leaving Earth!

This film follows directly after the Third movie, and feels as such.

The Critters are lesser in number, but the film takes the story in a slightly different angle (without losing the charming gore-soaked-hand-puppets angle that we know and love).

Like most sequels closer to five than one, it's just not got the same feel to it that 1 and 2 did. But on the whole, is a nice roundoff to a fun, low budget series of killer porcupines. And the characters are on the whole, a lot less stupid than the ones seen in Grover's Bend and in the tenement building! Although, I suppose they are space men...

Definitely a must see if you've seen the previous films!

If you've seen "Android" you may also recognise at least one clip in this flick, too!

[Picture: New Line Cinema]

Baby Critters just don't inspire the same 'aww' factor that most creatures do!

Hani

The Thing (2011)

"The Thing" (2011, Matthijs van Heijningen Jr., Strike Entertainment) is the prequel to the 1982 original John Carpenter film also called "The Thing". Why they didn't just come up with a different name, I don't know!

As a film it's ok. The special effects are fantastic and they try very hard to make it feel like the early 80s. And it's convincing.

But it lacks the tension and plot of the original. The lead protagonist, Kate Lloyd (Mary Elizabeth Winstead), jumps almost instantly to the conclusion that the alien they've dug up is copying and becoming people. Despite having only some crude equipment, an odd corpse and 80s science to base this on... And the others don't take that long to believe her. Now, fair enough, their Norwegian buddy has just been eaten by something that they dug out of the ice (dead)! But, I expected more "You're just crazy, lady" before the big agreement bandwagon jump-on.

The film pretty much redoes the original; it begins differently and it ties in to the orginal in some ways, but on the whole it goes through all the motions of the original plot, but with less finesse. The effect thing/alien is very well achieved, and I liked how they explained the two-headed corpse from the original film. And who doesn't appreciate an insect-like killer hand every now and again?

I feel that it must have been an interesting script to work on, like making a film backwards from what we already know from the original and reconstructing the events leading up to it. But, unfortunately, as interesting as that process must have been, the outcome seems a bit hollow when viewed as an outsider.

The whole checking-for-tooth-fillings-thing-to-be-sure-that-you're-you is a bit cruddy, I'd say. I mean, I would say because I don't have any fillings (oh yeah! 24 years old and no fillings, I am truly that awesome!)! But the little point on body jewellery was a valid one. But, surely, she could have at least tried to converse with the only talkative and apparently 'sane' alien?! See what the hell it was up to? Ask if it just wanted an aspirin or something?

There was also a point where I thought they'd killed off the female protagonist before the end of the film, and I thought Wow, that was a brave move, I like it! and then she came back. Damn.

There's a lot of flamethrower action, too. Which is fine, but gets a little dull after a while.

By far, the point I was waiting on was how they ended it so that it was set up for the beginning of the original film. I think they achieved this well. I was waiting with baited breath, fearing that they had killed off all the possible useful characters for this scene (remembering that the two guys in the helicopter are Norwegian at the start of the original film, not American or English. Oh, and they're also men), and then voila! They saved it.

However, on the whole, it wasn't so groundbreaking that I'd rather watch this than the original masterpiece! But worth it for the special effects.

[Picture: Strike Entertainment]

Hani

Pandorum

"Pandorum" (2009, C. Alvart, Constantin Films) is a sci-fi horror.

 

Corporal Bower (Ben Foster) awakes from hypersleep aboard the 'Elysium' space-people-carrier to find that he has no idea what's going on. The ship is carrying thousands of humans from disaster-stricken Earth to a new inhabitable planet. 

 

This scene is very well captured: his skin is disgusting! Not green or sores or anything, just loose and peeling and yuck! It really puts you off hypersleep. Also, this hypersleep isn't the simple man-walks-into-pod-and-falls-asleep business, no, it's a lot more medical than that! His body is riddled with wires and tubes and other general paraphernalia. You really feel for him having to remove it all and wake up. He discovers that he is not the only person awake, Lieutenant Payton (Dennis Quaid) has also awoken and he too is suffering some amnesia.

 

The control room for the ship is blocked off and the power is surging on and off. This is clearly what has caused the two men to awake. Bower heads off to find a way out, and Payton (on radio to Bower) describes a mental condition known as 'Pandorum' which is like space-cabin-fever.

 

Bower comes across some corpses, some humanoid monsters which attack him and also a few other humans who also attack him. Finally he bands together a small group of humans and they attempt to head for the reactor of the ship to stabilise the power, and also slowly unravel the chilling events that have lead to their current predicament.

 

Throughout the film we noted that it appears that whenever the 'hunters' or monsters are around, the power comes to life. It seems as if the monsters have become a part of the ship as well as having adapted to it.

 

There are some good tense scenes and the film keeps the viewer in suspense, giving very little plot away. I enjoy this type of storytelling, as it feels like I am discovering the facts for myself, rather than being told them by a narrator or character monologue.

 

Quite a few twists take place at the end of the film. One twist I felt was very obvious, as I saw it coming from quite early on, but this does not ruin the story.

 

"Pandorum" is a good space-thrill ride with some creatively gorey scenes and a good base plot. The monsters are reminiscent of those seen in 2005's "The Descent", and the end, although open-ended for sequels, gives a nice rounded feeling of completeness. It is very dark though, meaning that any ambient light in the room will ruin the view. So don't watch alone if you're scared of horror in the dark!

 

 (Picture: Constantin Films)