A Cure for Wellness

"A Cure for Wellness" (2016, Gore Verbinski, Regency Enterprises, Blind Wink Productions, New Regency Productions, 20th Century Fox) is a psychological horror set in a luxury spa in the Swiss Alps.

An NYC financial firm sends a keen, young executive called Lockhart (Dane DeHaan) to a secluded spa to retrieve the firm's CEO, Pembroke (Harry Groener), in order to coordinate a merger. They also have some dodgy dealings to pin on someone, and if Pembroke won't be the man to go down, Lockhart will do.

Lockhart arrives at the spa to find that the staff will not let him see Pembroke. During his return to the village to decide what to do, his taxi has a horrific accident and he awakes to find that he has broken his leg and is 'recovering' at the spa himself. As he familiarises himself with his surroundings he becomes suspicious that there is something much more sinister going on than just outlandish treatments. He also meets a young girl called Hannah (Mia Goth), who has lived at the spa all of her life. Lockhart decides to dig deeper, but how long can he resist before he becomes just another of the sinister Dr. Volmer's (Jason Isaacs) patients?

A creepy, slow moving film with some action and a lot of unsettling scenes involving slimy eels. It's a sly plot with some plot-holes which dislodge the viewer slightly, but on the whole an intriguing and gruesomely distasteful concept.

The setting and styling have a familiar, old-fashioned vibe; "The Phantom of the Opera" meets "Dracula" but with a few elements of "Saw" chucked in there. The film is beautifully shot and the more disturbing scenes are truly imaginative and uncomfortable. However, the film felt overall too long, and the dreamlike quality of the storytelling made it feel longer still. There was certainly an element of style over substance, and the ending didn't fit with the rest of the build up and felt hokey and out of place.

Despite its shortcomings, the film is successfully interesting.

[Image: 20th Century Fox, et al]

Hani

Black Xmas

"Black Xmas" (2006, Glen Morgan, 2929 Productions, Dimension Films) is a brutal little Christmas slasher film set in a Sorority House. It's based on the 1974 Film "Black Christmas" which I've also got in this year's Christmas viewing pile and will get to soon. Honest!

Coming from the makers of "Final Destination" I was expecting a lot of gore and little plot. That's pretty much what we got, so I'm cool with that.

Basically, if you took "Halloween" and crossed it with "House on Sorority Row", lowered the budget and set it at Christmas, you'd pretty much have this film...

A bunch of pretty but not particularly relatable sorority sisters sit down for a nice bitchy Christmas night in with their sorority mother, when they suddenly find themselves being stalked and slaughtered one by one!

With a pretty standard plot (with some outlandish additions!) and generic characters, this film is hardly a ground breaking piece of cinema.... But it's a holiday slasher! What more do you want? It's gory and daft, and contains more red herrings than an Agatha Christie book!

If, like me, you are freaked out with eye-centred-gore, you may not enjoy this film, though. It's not afraid to overstep the 'eek' factor when it comes to the ol' eyeballs....

I saw that Michelle Trachtenberg was in this film and I like her.  I can't say it's a shining point in her career, but it's hardly terrible. Just your generic, blood soaked Christmas horror. If you are upset about them rehashing an older film and changing the plot, I can only offer this advice: go watch the original! Which is precisely what I plan to do later this week ;)

Nicely gory effects and a lot of on screen kills, this film is not very imaginative, but bloody and graphic with some seriously dubious policing and a lot of female cannon fodder for the killer. Oh, and cheesy Christmas ringtones!

 [Image: Dimension Films & 2929 Productions]

Hani

The Curse of Frankenstein

"The Curse of Frankenstein" (1957, Terence Fisher, Hammer Film Productions, Warner Brothers) is Hammer's first colour horror movie, and also the first of their many renditions of the Frankenstein story based on the novel by Mary Shelley.

Peter Cushing, who is also well known for portraying Van Helsing in the Hammer Dracula series of films, stars as Baron Victor Frankenstein, who we find in prison awaiting the death sentence. A priest enters and Frankenstein recounts his life story to him.

Young Frankenstein (Melvyn Hayes, who was famed for playing 'Gloria' Gunner Bombadier Beaumont in the "It Ain't Half Hot, Mum" TV series) takes on a mentor and tutor, Paul Krempe (Robert Urquhart), since inheriting the estate from his late father.

There's a montage of he and Paul working on science and maths throughout the years, as Hayes becomes Cushing. Finally we see that Frankenstein and Paul have brought a dead dog back to life! Oooh!

Dissatisfied with this enormous feat, Frankenstein begins working on creating life and a 'perfect' man, by stitching together bits of corpse. He's also not too scrupulous about how he comes about these bits of corpse...

Paul becomes uncomfortable with the turn in events and tells Frankenstein he is leaving, until a young woman, Elizabeth (Hazel Court), who is Frankenstein's cousin, appears and tells Paul that she has come to live with and marry her cousin! Fearing for the young woman's safety, Paul sticks around to protect her from her crazy fiancé-cousin.

Little known to either of them, ol' Frankie is knocking off the maid, Justine (Valerie Gaunt)! 

Wanting his creature to be perfect, Frankenstein invites 'round a scholar and decorated scientist, Professor Bernstein (Paul Hardtmuth), kills him and then grave-robs his brain! What a loon!

Paul, suspicious now, catches him in the act and accidentally damages the genious brain in the scuffle. Oops!

Frankie perseveres, and we witness the consequences. The monster is played by another Hammer favourite, Christopher Lee! Who is one of my all-time favourite actors and thespians. He plays the monster in some very original monster makeup. No green, square heads and bolts for this guy! Lee looks painfully dead.

A fun adaptation of the book, which is itself an excellent story and a very dark read.

With excellent performances from Cushing, Lee, et al, the film keeps a good pace and doesn't feel dated.

Lee's monster isn't given enough screen time in my opinion, but the time he does get he uses to create a sad and very 'dead' creature, which is unstable, awkward and animalistic, unlike other Frankenstein's Monsters from past and present, who are always more human... 'Humanising' the monster can be very effective, such as it is in the big screen 1994 adaptation starring Robert De Niro, but in this version, the monster isn't the real villian of the piece.

Cushing gives an excellent performance as a the disturbed and determined Baron. The end scene is very emotional, and Frankenstein's desperate pleas seem very heartfelt. Like most crazy people, the Baron didn't think what he was doing was crazy! And considering how much his friends deny his tale, maybe it didn't even happen at all!

Definitely a version of the story you should see. One of my favourite Hammer Horrors, too!

[Picture: Hammer Film Productions & Warner Bros.]

Hani

The People Under the Stairs

"The People Under the Stairs" (1991, Wes Craven, Universal Pictures) is a fun little horror about a sick couple. It's also a comment on racism and child abuse. But don't let that put you off!

A young boy living in the ghetto, Poindexter aka 'Fool' (Brandon Adams), lovingly nicknamed by his older sister as whenever she reads his Tarot cards the Fool card always comes up, decides to get involved in a robbery in order to help his family. His mother is sick, his sister, Ruby, is a young mother and his family are about to be evicted from their home unfairly. The landlords, The Robesons, are Fool and his friend Leroy's (Ving Rhames) target.

The Robesons are a creepy, incestuous couple, who keep their daughter Alice (A.J. Langer) locked up in her room. Alice behaves herself as she is painfully aware of what will happen to her if she misbehaves.

As is predictable, Mr. and Mrs. Robeson (Everett McGill and Wendy Robie) hide behind 'faith' to tell themselves that the evil they commit is ok. The couple are portrayed amazingly by McGill and Robie; manic and crazy.

In the basement are the Robeson's old children. See, they like to snatch babies and then when the children get too old or begin to display 'misbehaviour', they cut off the offending part (wicked tongues, eavesdropping ears...) and then throw them into the cellar to live like animals. They also feed them intruders, visitors and door-to-door sales people. So far, all the kids in the basement are boys. Alice is the only girl.

One child, a smart and manic kid called Roach (Sean Whalen) has escaped the cellar and now lives in the walls of the house. Roach is awesome! He is constantly being hunted by Daddy Robeson (who likes to wear a gimp suit for hunting...) with a rifle. Roach is Alice's only friend.

Fool finds himself in trouble when he and Leroy find their partner in crime dead and then cannot escape the house before the Robesons return. Leroy, being a big man, doesn't last long as he can't sneak about like Fool can.

Fool manages to escape (with the loot!) but can't live knowing poor Alice and all those crazy mutilated kids are still in that house, and goes back in to save the day. Does he make it? Watch and see!

Adams gives an enjoyable performance as our young hero.

A nicely paced movie with lots of jumps. The kids in the cellar like to jump out at opportune moments. Prince the bloodthirsty dog is a nice addition, too. Although, if you don't want to see a fake dog get stabbed through a wall with a machete.... I'm just sayin'.

A nice cheesy happy ending manages not to ruin the film. The cellar kids manage to sneak out into the big bad world, but they neglect to grab any of the free money. Dolts! Plus, they all look like gollum with hair, surely someone spotted them?!

Another small issue I have with this flick is that all the kids look about the same age. Surely they didn't steal 15 - 20 babies at the same time?

But on the good side, some blood, angry puppies, knives, guns, crazy religious people, incest, cannibalism, robbery, good intentions and explosives; what's not to like?

Worth a look, don't expect to be scared though.

[Picture: Universal Pictures]

Hani