Troll 2

"Troll 2" (1990, Claudio Fargasso, Filmirage) is an infamously bad film about a fairly strange 'average' family taking a holiday in a town that's not only boring; it's infested by goblins. Luckily the goblins are vegetarians... Also, noteworthy that this film is not a real sequel.

Joshua (Michael Stephenson) appears to be an everyday kid. If an everyday kid talks to the ghost of his deceased grandfather, that is. He lives with his mother and father; a misguided couple who don't seem to comprehend what a vacation is; and his teenaged sister.

The family head to the town of Nilbog (genius, right?) where they are creepily welcomed by the locals. But luckily for them, Grandpa Seth (Robert Ormsby), warns Joshua that the townsfolk are actually goblins in disguise and that, if the family eat the food offered to them, they will be turned into vegetation which the goblins will eat!

Can they avoid a fate worse than death? Can they escape the clutches of the world's most melodramatic witch/goblin (Deborah Reed)? Why can't the goblins just grow their own vegetables like everyone else?

A horror comedy so bad that it's perfectly watchable. The acting, with the ironic exception of young Joshua, is entertainingly stilted and the outlandish plot manages to be both mediocre and hilarious. The goblin costumes are also reminiscent of homemade Halloween costumes. A real trashy movie that every B-movie fan should see; even if it's just for a good laugh.

[Image: Filmirage]

Hani

The Incredible Melting Man

"The Incredible Melting Man" (1977, William Sachs, American International Pictures, Columbia Pictures) is a Sci-Fi horror.

Steve West (Alex Rebar) is one of three astronauts who are accidentally subjected to a lot of radiation whilst in space. He returns as the only survivor, seriously unrecognisably wounded as he may be. I mean, even his moustache didn't survive!

Steve awakes to discover his melted visage and body and immediately goes on an amusing rampage, murdering and mutilating anyone in his way using his new found super-decomposing-radioactive powers.

In hot pursuit are Steve's pals, Dr. Ted Nelson (Burr DeBanning), Dr Loring (Lisle Wilson) and Sheriff Blake (Michael Alldredge). Can they stop this melting madman from wreaking havoc?!

With a touch of parody feel to it, this cheesy 70s homage to the earlier goopy alien movies of the 50s really pleased that so-bad-it's-good fan in me.

Reused scenes where budget restricted effects (really fun gory effects from the talented Rick Baker known for "Schlock", "It's Alive", "An American Werewolf In London", "Thriller"...to name a few) pattern through the film. Obviously so.

Cheesy dialogue and random happenings mark this as a definitive so-bad film. But those effects really bring it up a notch!

Definitely not for the casual horror viewer, this film is unlikely to keep you awake at night, but it is a fun little 70s cheese-fest.

[Image: Columbia Pictures]

Hani