Velvet Buzzsaw

"Velvet Buzzsaw" (2019, Dan Gilroy, Netflix, Dease Pictures Inc.) is a film about haunted art.

We follow several somewhat repellent people working in and around the Art world as they discover the art of a disturbed and isolated man named Dease who recently died in his apartment. Despite strict wishes of the deceased to have his art destroyed, art agent Josephina (Zawe Ashton), gallery owner Rhodora Haze (Rene Russo) and art critic Morf Vadewalt (Jake Gyllenhaal) become determined to make their fortunes and names selling the pieces. As Dease's work becomes a success and begins to garner attention, however, the people involved in the deal begin to mysteriously disappear or turn up dead...

A fun supernatural horror which satirises the Art world and delivers some humour along with some cheesy gore. The film takes its time to set up the scene and introduce us to its cast of colourful characters played by a collection of well respected names. In addition to those mentioned above we also have Toni Collette, Tom Sturridge, John Malkovich, Daveed Diggs, Billy Magnussen and Natalia Dyer all playing parts of artists, curators and others involved in the world of Art all keen to be the one to discover the "next big thing".

Once the set up is complete we are treated to some amusing deaths and some effective imagery delivered in a offbeat style while poking fun at its subject matter. The film has a slick art house feel while also mocking that exact thing but doesn't go out of its way to be anything beyond entertaining. And that is the point! The kill scenes are amusing and creative, if a little silly, and all in all I found it to be a pleasing 109 minute ride.

If you're looking for hidden layers, there aren't really any there. The film has the feel of a Goosebumps book plot turned into a film for a more adult audience. And that, in my book, is no bad thing.

[Image: Netflix et al]

Hani

Chopping Mall

"Chopping Mall" aka "Killbots" (1986, Jim Wynorski, Concorde Pictures) is a cheesy 80s B-movie horror about some teens who get locked inside a shopping mall and are being hunted by the mall's futuristic, robotic security guards.

Like Robocop's demented half cousins who failed the police academy entrance exam one too many times, these 'state of the art' security robots had trouble written all over them. From the lasers (why, even?) to their menacing look, these polite little guys were clearly going to rampage. I don't think they even needed lightening to help them go nuts!

The music is so 80s it actually hurts and the teens are suitably annoying enough to be robot fodder. The plot is simple and functional and the action is hilarious. We have head explosions, death by fire, laser beams, shoot outs and panic attacks. It's really just a perfect example of how so-bad-it's-good B-movies should be done.

Entertaining!

[Image: Concorde Pictures]

Hani

Hardware

"Hardware" (1990, Richard Stanley, British Satellite Broadcasting, Unlimited Palace Productions, Palace Pictures, Miramax) is a post-apocalyptic dystopian sci-fi film.

The world is a mess and a war is raging. During the Christmas ceasefire, "Hard Mo" Baxter (Dylan McDermott) and his buddy Shades (John Lynch) are visiting junk dealer, Alvy (Mark Northover), when a nomad walks in with some robot body parts.

Hard Mo, being a hard-ass and all, takes these parts to his recluse girlfriend, Jill (Stacey Travis). Little does he suspect that this robot will come back to life and rebuild itself before trying to take out every human it sees.

The plot is ok and the visuals are fun. There's even some good action sequences. My main issue with the film as a whole was that I was bored. It's a shame I feel that way because a lot of people rave about it. Perhaps they see something I didn't. But I was excited to see this film in the line-up at the "All Night Horror Madness" night and by far I thought of it as the worst entry of the night by the end.

Slow and not extremely engaging , the film does benefit from good visuals and cameos from Iggy Pop (vocal) and Lemmy.

[Image: British Satellite Broadcasting]

Hani

Munsters' Revenge

"The Munsters' Revenge" (1981, Universal Studios) is the made-for-TV film with original cast members Herman (Fred Gwynne), Lily (Yvonne De Carlo) and Grandpa (Al Lewis) Munster.

The Munster family have been immortalised as waxworks in a local museum. Unfortunately, these wax models are actually evil robots who wreak havoc all over town, resulting in Herman and Grandpa being blamed for the crimes and thrown in prison!

Can they clear their names before the big Munster Halloween party?

A fun little film which doesn't deviate from the characters, humour or styling of the original show and kept me suitably entertained on a long train ride.

[Image: Universal Studios]

Hani

Class of 1999

"Class of 1999" (1990, Mark L. Lester, Lightning Pictures) is a low budget science fiction set in a violent, dystopian world. I've just learned that this is a sequel to another movie by Lester called "Class of 1984", so I'll have to go hunt that one down and see if it promises to be as much fun as this one was.

The world has become a chaotic and violent place with youth gang activity and drugs making whole areas no-go-zones for the police. Teens still seem to turn up to school though, although mainly only as a kind of social meeting place.

Dr. Miles Langford (Malcolm McDowell), principal of the local high school, has had enough and has brought in external help from a weird, mullet-sporting robotics specialist, Dr. Robert Forrest (Stacy Keach). Forrest has supplied the school with new android teachers who will delve out punishment to unruly students.

But when the punishments turn into death sentences followed by all out war, the students have to team together to stay alive!

A hammy effort with lots of hokey, wannabe-terminator special effects, I can't fault this flick for an excellent 'bad movie' night.

The street gangs look a lot like the New Romantics and Peter Pan's Lost Boys got into a fight and both lost. Between the terrible one liners, hilarious outfits and Pam Grier's robotic boobs, I'd say this film is going to be a new favourite for me and my friends for bad movie night! How could I not have heard of this cheesy badness before?

[Image: Lightning Pictures]

 

Hani