Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things

"Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things" (1972, Benjamin 'Bob' Clark) is a low budget zombie movie from the man who later brought us 'Black Christmas' and 'Porky's'.

A theatre group lead by a contemptible actor called Alan (Alan Ormsby), sail out to a secluded island graveyard for the night. What begins as a bit of fun ends up going too far when Alan digs up the body of a man called Orville (Seth Sklarey) and then proceeds to perform a ritual supposedly to raise the dead. As the night go on, some of the group become unhappy with the lack of respect they are showing to Orville's body, but it's not long before they have bigger worries when the other underground island tenants begin to rise....

A cheesy horror mostly cast with Clark's friends and college classmates. The acting and scripting are not exactly stellar, but the film manages to cross the so-bad-it's-good-line and venture into cult territory. There's surprisingly little gore but some fun action scenes with zombies attempting to enter the caretaker's house in which the group are hiding.

A great film title, but the plot is just very, very weird and macabre. I'm still not sure why these people would continue to play along with Alan's antics. Personally, I'd rather get fired from the theatre company. But then, I'm not an actress trying to make it in the industry.... A good 70's schlock-fest for movie nights, but don't expect too much.

Hani

The Deadly Spawn

"The Deadly Spawn" (1983, Douglas McKeown, 21st Century Film Corporation) is a fun, schlocky horror sci-fi film about an alien invasion.

 

An alien crashes onto earth, spawning hundreds of squirmy offspring and devastating an entire family before moving on to the rest of the town. It's up to a small group of teens (lead by a budding scientist) to stop the massacre.

 

With some fun scenes (including some severed arm humour), squirmy phallic-looking monsters, wonderfully awful special effects (one prop is clearly one of those drag-a-long caterpillar creatures you used to get as a kid with a 'spawn' skin draped on top of it!), tainted salad, pseudo science and a lot of goop and teeth, this film wishes it was a poor man's Aliens movie, but no matter how much it's definitely not that, it is a bloody good late night campy B-horror flick worthy of your time.

 

[Image: 21st Century Film Corporation]

 

Hani

Popcorn

"Popcorn" (1991, Mark Herrier, Alan Ormsby, Studio Three Film Corporation) is a fun American horror comedy set in an old theatre.

The Film department at a college is new and lacks funding. The students there, along with their teacher, Mr Davis (Tony Roberts), decide to run a horror marathon in the old cinema in town to raise funds and awareness for the department.

They are helped out by local film memorabilia collector, Mr. Mnesyne (Ray Walston) who helps them decorate the cinema and also provides them with William Castle-esque shlock props (zapping seats for a film about an electrocuted killer, a giant mosquito for a movie about killer mosquitos and some unpleasant aroma therapy mist for a Japanese horror film called "The Stench").

Maggie (Jill Shoelen) is one of the students, and an aspiring screen writer. She's been having some weird dreams about a strange bearded man and plans to write about the dreams in her own movie. However, when the gang come across a strange film reel called "The Possessor" which was filmed by madman, Lanyard Gates (the same bearded man that Maggie was dreaming about), who slaughtered his family live on camera, things become very weird.

Things become stranger still when, on show night, people begin to be killed off one by one by a masked killer. Is it the mental film maker returned? What is Maggie's connection with him? And who will survive the horror fest?

Fun and surprisingly well put together for a film with not only a fledgling director, but where the director was replaced half way through!

The story is engaging and the acting is perfect for a cheesy, but very watchable horror film. The plot is one part reflective fun at older horrors and another part 80s slasher homage.

The film was actually made in Jamaica, not America, so enjoys some interesting music and Maggie's mother is played by scream queen, Dee Wallace.

"Popcorn" manages to pay homage to the shock horror films of the 50s and the gimmicks created by directors of the day, primarily Mr. Castle, who pioneered several interesting cinema gimmicks. However, the slasher (or actual horror) part of the film is pretty standard fare, it does blend well as a film, and the ending result is an entertaining and humorous film.

If you're looking for serious, mind bending horror, look elsewhere, however, as this is very much light entertainment.

[Image: Studio Three Film Productions]

 

Hani

Frankenhooker

"Frankenhooker" (1998, Frank Henenlotter, Shapiro-Glickenhaus Entertainment) is exactly what you think it is.

We meet Jeffrey Franken (James Lorinz) who is a science geek electrician meddling with biology (despite having been thrown out of medical school) and his fiancée, Elizabeth (Patty Mullen) who is constantly being nagged by her mother about her weight. 

Unfortunately, at her dad's birthday party, Elizabeth is killed by a freak lawnmower accident which completely dismembers her.

Going further round the twist, Franken concocts a plan to rebuild his bride-to-be using body parts from other women. Naturally, the best way he can think of to get enough body parts is to kill a bunch of sex workers and stitch them together for reanimation. 

Once awakened, the creature is confused, having a mixture of Elizabeth's and the other women's memories, and breaks free to rampage through the city in search of a 'date'. 

Lorinz's mad scientist is great fun and who doesn't love an exploding hooker mannequin? But Patty Mullen steals the show with her hilarious undead facial expressions and monster act. The film boasts the kind of effects you have to associate with all Henenlotter creations, and a very entertaining ending. 

[Image: Shapiro-Glickenhaus Entertainment]

Hani

Puppet Master 2

"Puppet Master 2" (1991, Dave Allen, Full Moon Entertainment) is the sequel to "Puppet Master"... surprisingly....

The Puppets are back at the Bodega Bay hotel and have raised their original Puppet Master, Andre Toulon (Steve Welles) from the grave using the same dark mojo that animates themselves. Unlike in the first film, however, Toulon is not using the puppets for good and decides to set them upon a group of paranormal investigators who are checking out the hotel after the events of the first film. He's also got his sights set on young Carolyn (Elizabeth Maclellan) whom he believes is the reincarnation of his wife, Elsa.

A slightly better made production which appeared to have more of a budget, "Puppet Master 2" looks slightly shinier, but lacks the gore of the first film. However, the dialogue and scripting is much improved, only being half as boring as the original.

The puppets are still wonderfully animated for a low budget film and enjoy more screen time. While it doesn't do much for franchise in terms of plot or acting and is riddled with plotholes, but it's a fun little flick.

[Image: Full Moon Entertainment]

Hani

Humanoids from the Deep

"Humanoids from the Deep" aka "Monster" (1980, Barbara Peeters, New World Pictures, Roger Corman) is a slice of schlocky good-Mc-badness. A low budget 80s sea misadventure which is just a bit of cheesy fun!

The small seaside town of Noyo, USA is terrorised by humanoid fish creatures with a thirst for blood and a lust for human women.

Gloop, nude ladies, blatantly obvious jump scares, rubber monster suits, wooden acting, a plot so thin you can see through it & 80s clothing galore: what more can you ask?

A wannabe drive-through film that harks back to the old 1950s creature features, "Humanoids from the Deep" is a thoroughly 80s attempt. And that's what makes it so damn entertaining!

It's hardly a nail biter, and winds up being more funny than scary with its splattering blood and 'monster noises'.

Not one for the dog lovers, though, with a high canine death count. Be warned!

Things of note:

One of the tunes played by the band at the festival sounds a lot like 'head, shoulders, knees and toes'...

A guy with a ventriloquist dummy as part of his chat-up line actually almost gets laid! 

The monsters also seem to love boobs. Well, what self respecting salmon-monster doesn't?And the film's quota of naked ladies was certainly used to the full extent!

Something for when you're in a not-too-serious mood and you want to watch some slippery villains try to kill a bunch of fishermen and get as many blonde chicks naked as possible, with an ending that will make you snort cola out of your nose (or red wine in my case!).

[Image: New World Pictures]

Hani