Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things

"Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things" (1972, Benjamin 'Bob' Clark) is a low budget zombie movie from the man who later brought us 'Black Christmas' and 'Porky's'.

A theatre group lead by a contemptible actor called Alan (Alan Ormsby), sail out to a secluded island graveyard for the night. What begins as a bit of fun ends up going too far when Alan digs up the body of a man called Orville (Seth Sklarey) and then proceeds to perform a ritual supposedly to raise the dead. As the night go on, some of the group become unhappy with the lack of respect they are showing to Orville's body, but it's not long before they have bigger worries when the other underground island tenants begin to rise....

A cheesy horror mostly cast with Clark's friends and college classmates. The acting and scripting are not exactly stellar, but the film manages to cross the so-bad-it's-good-line and venture into cult territory. There's surprisingly little gore but some fun action scenes with zombies attempting to enter the caretaker's house in which the group are hiding.

A great film title, but the plot is just very, very weird and macabre. I'm still not sure why these people would continue to play along with Alan's antics. Personally, I'd rather get fired from the theatre company. But then, I'm not an actress trying to make it in the industry.... A good 70's schlock-fest for movie nights, but don't expect too much.

Hani

Return of the Living Dead

"Return of the Living Dead" (1985, Dan O'Bannon, Hemdale Film Corporation, A Greenberg Brothers Partnership, Orion Pictures) is a horror comedy about zombies. And punks.

We follow the misadventures of a medical supply warehouse foreman, Frank (James Karen), and his new employee, Freddy (Thom Mathews) when they accidentally release a poisonous gas which both kills the living and reanimates the dead... After escaping the warehouse full of newly animated, hungry cadavers with their boss, Burt (Clu Gulager), they seek the help of the local mortician, Ernie (Don Calfa). The mortuary is unfortunately a bad refuge from the dead, however, due to its close proximity to the graveyard where, amongst other things, a group of teenage punks are having a party...

A fun film with practical effects that are an excellent blend of gruesome humour. The script is witty and well paced satire with enough horror in there to merit this film as a genuinely good genre film as well as a good comedy. The film also enjoys a great soundtrack and some scream queen goodness from Linnea Quigley as punk rocker, Trash, who quickly loses her clothing upon entering the graveyard.

Aside from the fun, goopy, grossness and cheeky nude scenes, the film also manages to branch into some quite deep subject matter with an almost heart-breaking few scenes focussed on some key characters actually slowly and painfully becoming the shambling undead, and a few nods to government conspiracy.

An exciting and remarkable film that really embodies what horror comedy is capable of at its best.

[Image: Hemdale Film Corporation, et al]

Hani

Poltergeist (2015)

"Poltergeist" (2015, Gil Kenan, Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, Ghost House Productions, Vertigo Entertainment) is the remake of the Tobe Hooper 1982 classic of the same name. It was produced by Sam Raimi, whom I have utmost respect for, but I'm afraid I still am not a fan of this film.

Firstly, the film did not need to be made. The original film is still a great scare-fest to this day and stands up well when compared to its modern day contemporaries. This redo is essentially a vanity project for its makers and nothing more.

Secondly, the film isn't really sure what it is. Is it a retelling of the story? Is it a modernisation of the story? Is it a kind of sequel? Is it an abrupt collection of all the best bits from the original quickly drafter together with more modern effects and rammed into a rather dull, predictable and essentially soulless redo of these scenes? Personally, I think the last one there hits the nail on the head.

The plot is altered, which I have no problem with except that it adds a few holes into the hows and whys of the haunting. My main issue, however, is that the film just seemed to be jumping from famous, iconic scene to famous, iconic scene without so much as a plot or a character development. And as adorable as little Madison (Kennedi Clements) is and as convincing as she is in her role, the delivery of the best line of the film "They're here" just doesn't quite pack the oomph of the original. By far the best acting comes from little Griffin (Kyle Catlett) who manages to keep the plot going.

I did like the Carrigan Burke character (Jared Harris) who replaces the Tangina character from the original. I admit I had my misgivings about changing the medium character so much, but he brought a much needed sense of banter to the cast.

Also, some of the new effects are indeed fantastic. The television scene is really quite chilling and the glimpse into the other side was really well realised. However, remaking a whole film just to show off your updated effects seems a bit tired to me. Give us something new!

All in all, if you haven't seen the original you may enjoy this film. But to me it was just an unnecessary rehash with more jump scares added and a much less frightening clown doll scene.

[Image: Ghost House Productions, et al]

Hani

Nightbreed

"Nightbreed" (1990, Clive Barker, Morgan Creek Productions) is an oddity of a movie, based on Barker's own novella "Cabal".

Aaron Boone (Craig Sheffer) is a bit mental. His frankly evil doctor, Philip Decker (David Cronenberg), has convinced him that he is a murderer. Aaron dreams of a place named Midian where monsters and murderers are accepted. He longs to go there.

A series of events leads Aaron to the acquaintance of Narcisse (Hugh Ross), a deranged killer, who confirms his belief in Midian and tells him how to get there, whilst giving himself a rather extreme facial....

While Boone searches for acceptance amongst the deformed creatures of Midian, his girlfriend Lori, (Anne Bobby) is trying to find him, unsure as to why he has run off and left her in the first place.

A very typically styled film from Barker, with elaborate sets, wonderfully outrageous effects and makeup and some nice gore. Unfortunately, the plot wears out after so long and the main character is dull.

On the whole, "Hellraiser" is a much better film, and "Nightbreed" pales in comparison, however, I, as usual, enjoy the styling and feel of this film and can see why it has reached Cult status.

I'm tempted now to read the Novella as my research has shown Barker is particularly disappointed with the way this film was cut and edited. Perhaps his true vision is much more disturbing. I also have to admit I have not put myself through the much longer "Cabal Cut" of this film...

B-movie cheesiness and a fun evil doctor in Cronenberg. Possibly one of the oddest love stories ever captured on film, and a lot of interesting effects makeup. If you're looking for something to keep you smiling on a rainy day, you can do much, much worse.

[Image: Morgan Creek Productions]

Hani

Pet Sematary

"Pet Sematary" (1989, Mary Lambert, Paramount Pictures) is an excellent film based on the novel by Stephen King, about a cemetery which can bring the dead back to 'life'.

I saw this movie when I was 16 and I cried my eyes out at it! Seriously! And then I read the book this year (after finally getting over my fear of reading it) and guess what? Yep, I cried my eyes out all over again! On the bus to work at 6am, no less. Every day for a week! You can imagine what my colleagues were thinking!

Anyway, I can now watch the film without the aid of tissues. See, the story is so sad! And after reading King's explanation of his inspiration for the plot, I can see why it must have been a traumatic book for him to write! (Basically, he moved into the house pretty much described in the novel and almost lived the events of it! And being Stephen King, he drew on the aspect of the creepy little pet cemetery which was nearby).

A truly chilling tale, even for childless and free-living me, this film (and the novel, too), not only plays on the gory deaths, ghosts, 'zombies' and creepy woods, but also on the basic human instinct to protect the things and the ones we love. Can anyone really blame Louis for his actions?

Well, to cut a long story short, Louis Creed (Dale Midkiff) finds his idyllic life in the Maine countryside with his wife Rachel (Denise Crosby), daughter Ellie (Blaze Berdhall) and baby son Gage (Miko Hughes),  is turned upside down by a tragic accident. Accidentally given way too much inspiration by friendly and lonely old neighbour, Jud Crandall (Fred Gwynne - yes, Mr. Munster himself!), Louis sees there is only one solution to his terrible predicament! Of course, it will totally work out fine and no one will get hurt at all! Yup....

This film isn't long at only 98mins, and keeps your attention very well. Just like in the book, you begin to like some of the characters, and you enjoy the little happy family scenes. It lulls you in to a sense of happiness before it brings in the horror, and that's what makes the plot work. You experience the shock and the slow build up of dread with the characters almost in a 'real time' way.

Of course, there's some jolts to keep you interested along the way. Some brutal deaths, gory ghosts, scary babies and a pretty unfriendly cat to mention a few. This film had me upset as a teen, and I appreciate it for that. While it's not jump-out-of-your-seat scary, it's creepy and has some excellent gore scenes that still give me the shudders now!

Definitely one of the best King adaptations, he wrote the screenplay, and it shows! It follows the book's plot faithfully. The only thing I think I missed in comparison to the book is some of the character development. Louis isn't as rounded a character, and you don't get the lovely bonding scenes between the old man and young man. But I've never found a film that could convey as much as a good story can, and I think this film is fantastic! It's most certainly worth your time!

[Image: Paramount Pictures]

"Sometimes, dead is better!"

Hani