I Sell The Dead

"I Sell the Dead" (2008, Glenn McQuaid, Glass Eye Pix) is a horror comedy about grave robbers.

Arthur (Dominic Monaghan) is visited by Father Duffy (Ron Perlman) to take down his last words before he is executed for the crimes of murder and grave robbery. Seeing no reason for not sharing his side of the story and seeing his last opportunity to state his innocence of murder (but not grave robbery; that he did do... a lot), Arthur describes his life as the young apprentice of grave robber Willie Grimes (Larry Fessenden), his on-going career and the events leading up to his and Willie's arrest. Oh, and his frequent adventures with the undead.

Although silly and chalk full of cheesy scenes and action, it's a fun little flick that doesn't quite break through into anything amazing, but keeps viewer interest enough to be entertaining. The characters are funny and outlandish and the almost horror anthology style of story telling splits up the incidents as the interview goes on. I also enjoyed the inclusion of Angus Scrimm (of Phantasm fame) as the devious blackmailer, Dr. Quint.

The Crawling Hand

"The Crawling Hand" (1963, Herbert L. Strock, Donald J. Hansen Enterprises) is an American sci-fi horror about why even med students shouldn't take home severed human remains as souvenirs...

Right, Vyvyan?

Back to the film...

Young Paul Lawrence (Rod Lauren) discovers the severed arm of a deceased astronaut whilst out on the beach with his girlfriend. He takes the gruesome discovery home but lives to regret this decision as the arm comes back to life, strangling everyone in its wake....

A very of-its-era black and white film, with fun background music and too much dialogue. Man finally landed on the moon in 1969, but this film was made right at the time of the space race hype. The action is quite tame by today's standards, but people like me will still get a kick out of it and enjoy the film for what it is; classic, cheesy horror. The acting is pretty campy, but for me that just enhances the experience.

The film also features Syd Saylor in his final film role, and a small nod to Bela Lugosi. It was also featured in the Mystery Science Theatre 3000.

Hani 

Ouija: Origin of Evil

"Ouija: Origin of Evil" (2016, Mike Flanagan, Allspark Pictures, Blumhouse Productions, Hasbro Studios, Platinum Dunes, Universal Pictures) is a film centred around the Hasbro game, Ouija and is the prequel to 2014's film: "Ouija".

Set in LA in the 1960s, we follow the Zander family: widowed mother, Alice (Elizabeth Reaser) and her two daughters, Lina (Annalise Basso) and Doris (Lulu Wilson). Alice is a medium, giving false seances with the help of her children. She tells herself that her job helps her customers cope with their loss, but she's not completely sure herself. As part of her seance kit, Alice picks up a Ouija board game, however, it turns out that at least someone in the house has actual supernatural talent.... and the Ouija board is about to unleash something dark. And angry....

A sequel that is far superior to its predecessor in plot, action and acting. The film is creepy without feeling too tropey. And while it does suffer some plot flaws nearer the end, the characters are extremely relateable and I genuinely felt remorse for some of their losses. By far the best performance was from the youngest star, Lulu Wilson, who absolutely aced her role.

A really rare return to form after what was a severely blah first movie. Definitely worth a watch.

[Image: Blumhouse Productions, et al]

Hani

Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things

"Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things" (1972, Benjamin 'Bob' Clark) is a low budget zombie movie from the man who later brought us 'Black Christmas' and 'Porky's'.

A theatre group lead by a contemptible actor called Alan (Alan Ormsby), sail out to a secluded island graveyard for the night. What begins as a bit of fun ends up going too far when Alan digs up the body of a man called Orville (Seth Sklarey) and then proceeds to perform a ritual supposedly to raise the dead. As the night go on, some of the group become unhappy with the lack of respect they are showing to Orville's body, but it's not long before they have bigger worries when the other underground island tenants begin to rise....

A cheesy horror mostly cast with Clark's friends and college classmates. The acting and scripting are not exactly stellar, but the film manages to cross the so-bad-it's-good-line and venture into cult territory. There's surprisingly little gore but some fun action scenes with zombies attempting to enter the caretaker's house in which the group are hiding.

A great film title, but the plot is just very, very weird and macabre. I'm still not sure why these people would continue to play along with Alan's antics. Personally, I'd rather get fired from the theatre company. But then, I'm not an actress trying to make it in the industry.... A good 70's schlock-fest for movie nights, but don't expect too much.

Hani

The Tall Man

"The Tall Man" (2012, Pascal Laugier, Image Entertainment) is a thriller with a disturbing message masquerading as a horror film. It is not a horror film.

Beware, spoilers below...

A small former mining village called Cold Rock has seen a lot of child disappearances over the years. The villagers have associated these disappearances with an urban legend known as The Tall Man, a figure who is seen taking the children into the woods where they disappear without a trace. Jessica Biel plays Julia, the town's nurse. We see Julia's son, David, being kidnapped and follow her as she fights for his return...

The film starts off as a horror, but quickly boils back to a confusing mystery plot that seemed to be going in a different direction, before quickly jumping in yet another direction and passing into a plot quicksand pit that delivers a garbled message about child abduction being a good thing? Provided, apparently, that the children are taken from the poor and delivered to the rich. Besides this somewhat misguided premise, the film suffers from a jumpy, complex plot which wasn't intriguing enough to make the big twist very forceful.

For me, the only redeeming feature of this film is Biel's character showing injuries throughout the film that didn't miraculously heal themselves in that good ol' fashioned Hollywood manner.

[Image: Image Entertainment]

Hani 

I Am The Pretty Thing That Lives in The House

"I Am The Pretty Thing That Lives in The House " (2016, Oz Perkins, Netflix, Paris Film, Zed Filmworks, Go Insane Films) is a horror thriller about a haunted house.

A live-in nurse, Lily (Ruth Wilson), moves into elderly horror writer, Iris Blum (Paula Prentiss)'s home when she becomes too senile to care for herself. Lily, a scaredy cat in nature, becomes convinced that Blum's best known novel is actually based on a true murder which happened within the house itself and suspects that she and Ms. Blum are not alone in the house...

A lot of people might find this film too slow burning and with little payout, but I have to put my hand up and say that this film really gripped me. It's haunting and extremely well shot. Every scene seems seamlessly set up. The opening is slow and atmospheric with an excellent monologue which sounds almost literary in nature.

There is very little actual action, but the film sets up a building feeling of dread and a chilling atmosphere that is almost palpable and really had me on the edge of my seat. It's a good old-fashioned haunted house film which provides more chills than scares.

[Image: Netflix, et al]

Hani

Return of the Living Dead

"Return of the Living Dead" (1985, Dan O'Bannon, Hemdale Film Corporation, A Greenberg Brothers Partnership, Orion Pictures) is a horror comedy about zombies. And punks.

We follow the misadventures of a medical supply warehouse foreman, Frank (James Karen), and his new employee, Freddy (Thom Mathews) when they accidentally release a poisonous gas which both kills the living and reanimates the dead... After escaping the warehouse full of newly animated, hungry cadavers with their boss, Burt (Clu Gulager), they seek the help of the local mortician, Ernie (Don Calfa). The mortuary is unfortunately a bad refuge from the dead, however, due to its close proximity to the graveyard where, amongst other things, a group of teenage punks are having a party...

A fun film with practical effects that are an excellent blend of gruesome humour. The script is witty and well paced satire with enough horror in there to merit this film as a genuinely good genre film as well as a good comedy. The film also enjoys a great soundtrack and some scream queen goodness from Linnea Quigley as punk rocker, Trash, who quickly loses her clothing upon entering the graveyard.

Aside from the fun, goopy, grossness and cheeky nude scenes, the film also manages to branch into some quite deep subject matter with an almost heart-breaking few scenes focussed on some key characters actually slowly and painfully becoming the shambling undead, and a few nods to government conspiracy.

An exciting and remarkable film that really embodies what horror comedy is capable of at its best.

[Image: Hemdale Film Corporation, et al]

Hani