Monday 14 August 2017

Death Spa

"Death Spa" aka "Witch Bitch"  (1989, Michael Fischa) is a campy 80s film about a haunted gym.

It's the late 80s and everyone is into lycra and leg warmers. We open onto the parking lot of the Starbody Health Spa. It's a stormy night, and the neon sign suddenly falters, losing the letters s,t,a,r,b,o,y,h and l. Cunningly leaving our movie title lit up in the rain. And that, my friends, is where all the cunning behind this picture ends.

"Death Spa" is a ridiculous romp through a haunted health club, chalk full of sweaty beautiful people in colourful workout outfits, gratuitous nude scenes, extremely 80s dance workouts and terrible dialogue. Oh, and it's set at Halloween. It's great and also a bit crap at the same time!

Michael Evans (William Bumiller) owns and operates the Starbody Health Spa. A recent widower after his wife committed suicide, Michael is back on the dating game. When some of his clients, including his new squeeze, are suddenly (and often fatally) attacked by his gym equipment, Michael begins to suspect that his late wife is haunting his gym!

Although slow in places and suffering from serious pacing issues, the film benefits from some fun, low budget effects and hilarious gore. It really is a great candidate for a so-bad-so-good cheesy movie night and definitely one for the low budget horror aficionados out there looking for something a little different to your usual haunted house flick! Just don't go in with any high expectations.
Hani

Sunday 13 August 2017

Knock Knock

"Knock Knock" (2015, Eli Roth, Camp Grey, Dragonfly Entertainment, Sobras International Pictures) is a home invasion thriller.

Evan (Keanu Reeves) and Karen (Ignacia Allamand) are happily married with kids, a dog and an idyllic home. When Karen and the kids go away for the weekend, Evan stays at home to work but his night is interrupted when two young women (Lorenza Izzo and Ana de Armas) come to the door in the pouring rain looking for a house party. Evan tries to call them a taxi but the girls proceed to make themselves comfortable before the cab gets there... and what started as him helping them out becomes a potentially life ruining game of seduction and violence...

An interesting premise that became a little repetitive as the film went on. It is essentially one big cautionary tale: On one hand, that women can be predatory too and that it's pretty easy to ruin your life in one easy step.

The characters aren't developed in Roth's usual style, although the film differs vastly in style and genre from Roth's previous films so much that it's not really worth comparing. Reeve's misguided and somewhat naive character is set up from the start with a few scenes portraying his loving family man side and his sexually frustrated side. It's disappointing, but not surprising when he gives in to the two promiscuous ladies cavorting around his home. The devious vixens themselves are not as well rounded as characters and go from victims to cackling, comic villains pretty quickly with not as much build up as I anticipated.

There are one or two fun scenes, but the more torture-orientated scenes seemed satirical and the film in general would have benefited greatly from either delving more deeply into the implications brought up or by maintaining the satiric humour throughout.

A lot of people have expressed disappointment in the end of this film, but I thought this was probably the scariest part of the movie. All in all, the film had some weak points, but overall it was an interesting 99 minutes.

[Image: Camp Grey, et al]
Hani

Monday 7 August 2017

Wish Upon

"Wish Upon" (2017, John R. Leonetti, Busted Shark Productions) is about the danger of getting what you wish for.

Clare (Joey King) was scarred as a child, finding her mother's body shortly after her suicide. As a teen she has become an outcast, with only a few close friends. When her father (Ryan Phillippe) presents her with a Chinese music box, which he found whilst dumpster diving, Clare is able to recognise one part of the inscription on the side which states "Seven Wishes". As a joke, she wishes for something awful to happen to her school bully and when the event transpires Clare begins to run with it, wishing willy nilly for everything she desires. If only she could work out the rest of the enscription, she might not be so keen...

An overdone premise that could have been a lot of fun, but failed to be either scary nor campy enough to salvage the film. From the trailers I had went in open minded, and hoping for some "Scream"-style teen horror fun mixed with "Wishmaster" and "Bad Girls from Valley High". But unfortunately the delivered material was pretty tame and not too clever. Most of the supporting characters were underutilised and, although King gives a good performance, her protagonist doesn't garner much viewer sympathy because of her actions.

All in all, it is an adequate starter movie for budding young horror fans to cut their teeth on, but it's certainly not the best example of a teen horror out there.

[Image: Busted Shark Productions]
Hani