Sunday, 25 May 2014


"Stitches" (2012, Conor McMahon, Fantastic Films, Tailored Films, MPI Media Group, Irish Film Board) is a British and Irish revenge 'comedy' horror starring comedian Ross Noble as an undead clown, back to reap revenge on the child bullies who brought about his demise now that they are all fornicating teens.

I'm perhaps biased as I find Ross Noble to be less than funny at the best of times, but this gross out film didn't strike a chord with me at all.

While the gore is commendable, inventive and fun, its cartoon-like quality detracts from any scares that could have taken place and Nobel's foul-mouthed, grimy, burnout clown lacks the charisma of most speaking-part slasher killer characters.

The film doesn't feel like a horror or a comedy, and the rude, brash 'humour' is just slapstick and bad language. I'm Scottish, believe me bad language doesn't bother me, but the scriptwriters seemed to be using it here instead of actual comedy.

While the acting cannot be faulted, the hollow plot doesn't create the fun 80s feeling I was hoping for.

Trashy and unfunny... But there's heaps of blood and bodily explosions, if that's what you want. But I bet it read better as a story board, really.

[Image: Fantastic Films]

Sunday, 18 May 2014

Urban Legend

"Urban Legend" (1998, Jamie Blanks, Original Film, Phoenix Pictures, TriStar Pictures) is your average 90s teen slasher.

Taking all the typical (American) Urban Legends into account, and creating a couple of their own, we follow a group of college students (Jared Leto, Alicia Witt, Rebecca Gayheart, Michael Rosenbaum & Tara Reid) who's number is rapidly depleting, thanks to someone using urban legends to kill them.

A sleepover favourite, this slasher doesn't hold the same punch as it did when I was younger. The plot is very predictable and the gimmick is... well, just that: Gimmicky.

The film's ending is also very odd and highly displeasing. Although I'm sure it seemed ok at the time.

The characters are quite one dimensional, although it is fun seeing Jared Leto and the others in their younger years.

I also felt that Robert Englund was highly underutilised as a character.

Good teen sleepover fodder, but it doesn't survive a revisit.

[Image: TriStar Pictures]