Chopping Mall

"Chopping Mall" aka "Killbots" (1986, Jim Wynorski, Concorde Pictures) is a cheesy 80s B-movie horror about some teens who get locked inside a shopping mall and are being hunted by the mall's futuristic, robotic security guards.

Like Robocop's demented half cousins who failed the police academy entrance exam one too many times, these 'state of the art' security robots had trouble written all over them. From the lasers (why, even?) to their menacing look, these polite little guys were clearly going to rampage. I don't think they even needed lightening to help them go nuts!

The music is so 80s it actually hurts and the teens are suitably annoying enough to be robot fodder. The plot is simple and functional and the action is hilarious. We have head explosions, death by fire, laser beams, shoot outs and panic attacks. It's really just a perfect example of how so-bad-it's-good B-movies should be done.

Entertaining!

[Image: Concorde Pictures]

Hani

The Asylum

 "The Asylum" aka "Exeter" and "Backmask"  (2015, Marcus Nispel, Studio Canal releasing) is one of the films I missed by not attending Glasgow Fright Fest earlier this year. And I have to say, I must be missing something because I didn't think it was really anything special, but I seem to be in the minority here!

We open to a woman committing suicide before we are introduced to the "Exeter School for the feeble minded", an asylum which has been abandoned for some time. The place is about to be renovated by Father Conway (Stephen Lang), but his young friend, Patrick (Kelly Blatz), puts a stopper in the works by being unable to convince his pals not to have a big ol' party in the place. Knowing Exeter School has a dark past, the gang of course decide to play some vinyl backwards and play "light as a feather, stiff as a board", while also drinking, shagging and taking some drugs.... And this brings some demons to the surface who then go all "Evil Dead" on their asses by possessing them one after another.

Now let's get this straight, there are some good things going on in this film. It's a good setting, the kill scenes are admirably gory, very realistic and creative, the demonic effects are effective and the acting is good enough. My main problem with this film was that I was bored and felt like I was watching a remake of several other possession movies merged together.

Whilst it's nigh on impossible to make a possession movie without paying coincidental (or completely on purpose) homage to "The Exorcist", this film felt like they'd also lifted chunks of scene from "Evil Dead", "Night of the Demons" and many other possessed-teen films. It was way too tropey to fully appreciate and played out as a remake, despite not actually being one...

All in all, it's a perfectly serviceable horror film and there's nothing at all wrong with it, it's just not anything new or special. The fact that people are raving about it online kind of indicates to me more that we've had a serious lack of new and original horror recently!

[Image: Studio Canal Releasing]

 

Hani

 

Body Bags

"Body Bags" (1993, John Carpenter, Tobe Hooper, 187 Corp., Showtime Networks) is a made for TV horror anthology set in a morgue. The film was initially meant to become a weekly show similar to "Tales from the Crypt" but was axed, and so the completed pieces were pieced together into an anthology.

A creepy coroner (John Carpenter) sets us up for each segment, inspired by the bodies he uncovers from the bags. There are three tales all-in:

The Gas Station
Anne (Alex Datcher) is a student starting her new part time job as the overnight petrol station attendant. As if that job is not just creepy enough, she has to deal with knowing that a dangerous lunatic has escaped the asylum (she was kindly warned by her new colleague, Bill (Robert Carradine)). Soon all of her customers appear to be a little strange and Anne is frantic, not knowing who could be the killer! Horror hero cameos include Wes Craven, Sam Raimi, David Naughton, George Buck Flower and Molly Cheek).

The short is a bit of a lark with so many horror favourites gracing the screen with their nutty characters and a fair bit of bludgeoning. While it's your typical 'lone woman being stalked by a serial killer' plot, it's fun in its familiarity and really kicks off the film.

Hair
Richard (Stacy Keach) is hitting middle age. His girlfriend, Megan (Sheena Easton), is getting exasperated by Richard's obsession with his looks and his quickly thinning locks. In his desperation, Richard signs up for a hair transplant operation which appears successful. Maybe a little too successful...

A bit of a laugh with some effects that aged a little, but add to the charm of the film. I thought I knew where this one was going but after a point it changes tack slightly which pleased me. Yes, it's hardly 'scary' but I don't watch old anthologies for scare factor, they're purely for comedy. Cameos include Debbie Harry and David Warner as the mad doctor and his nurse.

Eye
Brent Matthews (Mark Hamill) is a baseball player. He is involved in a car accident where his eye is gouged out. Brent opts for some experimental surgery that is not considered so sci-fi these days, and receives an eye transplant in the hopes that he can return to his beloved game. But, similarly to the later 2002 and 2008 Singaporean and American blockbusters both called "The Eye", he begins to see things that are not there through the new eye: horrible things. Brent becomes suspicious that his new eye belonged to a killer and goes back to the doctor to investigate. Brent realises that there is only one way to end this problem... Cameos include Twiggy and Roger Corman.

A few gruesome bits make this one entertaining but it was admittedly my least favourite short of the three. In retrospect this one seems very tropey, but it's not its fault; it came first afterall!

We end back in the morgue where our creepy coroner reveals he is more than at first appears.

The film comes off as surprisingly low budget, but this may just be a sign of ageing SFX. While it's nothing new in terms of plot or set up, it's a playful horror anthology and is funny, self aware and even a little gruesome at times. Team this one with Creepshow 1 and you're onto a bloody good night in!

[Image: 187 Corp.]

Hani

Wishmaster

"Wishmaster" (1997, Robert Kurtzman, Wes Craven, Live Entertainment) is a movie about a djinn (genie) who grants wishes in return for your soul, only, like all genie tales, the wishes never turn out how you imagined them.

We are first introduced to this djinn (Andrew Divoff) creature in 1127 Iran where a Persian emperor has set it free and it is causing all kinds of massacre on his people. This is where we are told the rule: the one who sets a djinn free is granted 3 wishes, but their third wish will free the djinn and all his friends to destroy the earth.

Snap to modern day and the art collector, Beaumont (Robert Englund) is having an ancient statue delivered to his collection. Only, the crane operator is drunk and accidentally drops the statue, killing Beaumont's assistant and releasing the red ruby containing the djinn. The gem is pawned by one of the workers and eventually comes into the hands of Alex (Tammy Lauren) who accidentally awakens the djinn. The djinn goes off on its merry way, torturing any whom it can trick into saying 'I wish' and claiming their souls, which, through her links to the djinn as its 'master', Alex can see as visions. The creature eventually takes the form of a deceased man and goes around town by the name Nathaniel Demerest.

Eventually, Alex and the djinn confront each other. Can Alex trick the djinn, as he has tricked people for centuries, with her final wish?

A cheesy 90s gore movie with a hell of a lot of genre-cameos (Robert Englund, Kane Hodder, Tony Todd, Ted Raimi, Ricco Ross... to name a few). The action is funny and over the top, the acting is sometimes dubious but suits the film, the plot is a little thin (probably hence all the gore) and it is far from actually scary, but I enjoy "Wishmaster". Kurtzman was a makeup and effects artist, so he was keen to make use of as many practical effects as he could which I appreciate, even if some did not date very well. All in all, this is very much a friends and pizza kind of cheesy movie rather than a smart nail biter. If you're looking for chills, tension or intelligent writing, this is probably not the film for you.

[Image: Live Entertainment]

Hani

The Sentinel (1977)

"The Sentinel" (1977, Michael Winner, Universal Pictures) is a haunted house movie set in the Brooklyn area of New York city.

Alison (Cristina Raines) is a fashion model who feels that things are moving too fast with her successful, lawyer boyfriend, Michael (Chris Sarandon). So she decides to move out of his posh apartment and find her own digs whilst she contemplates his marriage proposal. She finds a quirky flat in Brooklyn that is actually a grand old house split into different flats. Unfortunately, her new neighbours are all complete weirdos who keep her up at night. Only, when she complains to her realtor (Ava Gardner), she finds that she doesn't actually have any neighbours except for an old, blind, reclusive priest (John Carradine) who lives on the top floor and just sits quietly, staring out of the window....

As well as the freaky neighbours, Alison also begins seeing flashbacks to her not-so-nice father and her own attempted suicides. And she learns that there is more to this building than just its undead inhabitants, and more to the priest than just being old!

A fun 70s horror that gets its share of flack, with a great cast and some really creepy scenes. The film also features Christopher Walken as the young detective and Jeff Goldblum as Jack the photographer as well as Beverly D'Angelo as a sex-crazed mute (her first movie role). The effects are good for a 70s horror (but then again, this was quite a big budget film) and lend well to the setting and the unsettling weirdness of Alison's neighbours is aptly captured and revealed. Other plus points include a birthday party for a cat and a good amount of splurted gore.

There are some issues with the film, such as its overbearing, random score which, unlike the purposefully overbearing soundtracks of films such as Argento's "Suspiria", does not seem to have been done to great effect and is more jarring than atmospheric with too many changes in style and genre.

The film was also heavily lambasted for using people with deformities as plot props at the end in what is a very random climax. The worst part about the choice of casting for this scene was that it is simply using the actors' appearances for shock value and holds no particular relevance to the plot. It's a 'sploitation movie, but by today's standards, it's not cool.

The plot is often too random and is basically just one of many demonic-inspired films which had come back into fashion in the 70s so doesn't feel the need to explain itself too much. But the ending is somewhat chilling and rounds off the movie nicely

Not a terrible film, but it does have some obvious faults and Winner made a few bad calls during its production. Its creepy scenes and good, if predictable, ending make up for some of the flaws, however, it's just admittedly not everyone's cup of tea.

[Image: Universal Pictures]

Hani

Da Possessed

"Da Possessed" (2014, Joyce Bernal, Star Cinema, Regal Entertainment, Regal Films) is a Filipino horror comedy and is actually a remake of an Indian movie called "Muni 2: Kanchana".

Ramon (Vhong Navarro) is a big scaredy cat. He lives at home with his over-protective mother, brother, sister-in-law and their children. He sleeps at night in the same bed as his mother because he is so scared of everything.

When his mother's house is in danger of being repossessed because she cannot keep up with the payments, Ramon gets a job as a landscape artist for a rich tycoon. Ramon's shift boss is the tycoon's beautiful daughter, Anna (Solenn Heussaff) - who's main skills are looking sultry, doing bad cartwheels and flashing her knickers -, who takes a shine to Ramon.

In his attempts to impress Anna, Ramon unwittingly digs up the graves of three people who were killed unfairly and he and his family are then haunted by the unrestful spirits. The spirits take turns possessing Ramon's body as they try to avenge their killer, with mischevious consequences.

A strange film that is pretty standard plot fayre, and yet has some quirky characters and ridiculous situations. For me, it was something a little different due to my unfamiliarity with Filipino films in general, but at its core it's a pretty standard, if oddly charming, horror comedy.

I did enjoy the end scenes, however, which appealed to my sense of humour.

A little ridiculous, but not the strangest film I've seen! It could have done with being a little shorter, however...

[Image: Star Cinema & Regal Films]

Hani 

Zombeavers

"Zombeavers" (2014, Jordan Rubin, Epic Pictures Group, Armory Films, Benderspink, Hypotenuse Pictures) is a horror comedy about zombie beavers.

A group of college girls go out to a riverside cabin to forget about their man troubles only to be shortly joined by said men. Sadly for all involved, the river is home to a band of ravenous and bloodthirsty zombie beavers...

A campy film which, in the style of Sharkando, knows it and thrills in it's stupidity. While it's not the best nature fights back horror comedy out there, I enjoyed it. There's bucketloads of blood, a host of ridiculous action (the beavers cut the phone lines.... The BEAVERS cut the phone lines....), puns, and a few tongue-in-cheek nods to 'Jaws'. It's a good brainless summer romp.

All the characters are worth your contempt. Not a single one of them has any redeeming properties. However, this is perfect for this kind of movie. I don't want to see them succeed; I want to see them being eaten by ridiculously unrealistic zombie beaver handpuppets!

It's not big, it's not clever and it's proud of the fact. Perfect crappy movie for a night in with friends and a pizza.

[Image: Epic Pictures Group, et al]

Hani