A Christmas Horror Story

"A Christmas Horror Story" (2015, Grant Harvey, Steven Hoban, Brett Sullivan, Copperheart Entertainment, Image Entertainment, RLJ Entertainment) is a Christmas anthology horror from Canada.

We follow four plot lines, which are interwoven throughout the run-time by the overarching plot following radio DJ, Dangerous Dan (William Shatner), who is pulling an all-nighter on Christmas eve.

One story follows a group of teens who have broken into a school to make a documentary about two murders which had previously happened there, only to find that there were more than memories left behind.

Another story follows one of the teens from the first story who is unable to go on the adventure because she is taken on a family outing to visit her rich, elderly aunt and accidentally becomes acquainted with Krampus.

A third story follows a young family who venture into private land to illegally chop down a Christmas tree and lose their child. When they find the little boy and take him home, he begins to act strangely and the parents become suspicious that he is not, in fact, their little boy afterall!

The fourth tale follows Santa himself, a burly man (George Buza) who finds that one of his elves has contracted a zombie virus and begins to infect his other helpers.... Going on a rampage through his own workshop, Santa eventually has to face a harsh reality...

An entertaining festive romp that covers all the bases (gore, violence, festive themes) without trying to be too clever. While it doesn't cover any specifically new ground, "A Christmas Horror Story" enjoys some nice plot twists and a good, fast pace that is engaging and intriguing.

[Image: Copperheart Entertainment]

Hani

Don't Open 'til Christmas

"Don't Open 'til Christmas" (1984, Edmund Purdom, Spectacular Trading International, 21st Century Film Corporation) is an English holiday slasher.

It's Christmas time and someone wearing a translucent mask is going around killing anyone dressed as Santa. One of the Santas is killed in front of his daughter, Kate (Belinda Mayne) who is then determined to find out who's behind it. Chief Inspector Ian Harris (Edmund Purdom) is also on the case, but something familiar is getting in his way to solving the mystery...

A cheesy B-Movie directed by and starred by Edmund Purdom (whom I know from my favourite B-movie gorefest, "Pieces"). It's wooden, silly and, as usual, a little transfixed with the porn and sleaze side of the city. The predictable scenes are humorous to watch due to their sheer ridiculousness. If you enjoy watching random guys dressed as Santa getting killed by an unconvincing machete, or having their members cut off in the men's bathroom, this film is for you!

A silly plot, with an equally silly motive, this fairly woeful film is definitely in the so-bad-but-can't-look-away pile.

[Image: Spectacular Trading International]

Hani

Silent night, Deadly night

"Silent night, Deadly night" (1984, Charles Sellier, Slayride, TriStar Pictures) is a holiday slasher.

On Christmas Eve 1971, young Billy and his parents and baby brother take a little trip out to see his catatonic grandfather at the mental health institution. Billy is initially concerned that he won't get home in time for Santa visiting, but his mother assures him that he will. Soon Billy's fears have switched to Santa visiting at all. This is elevated when his parents stop to help a stranded Santa who's car has broken down. As it turns out, this Santa is a gun wielding loony, who kills Billy's parents, leaving he and his brother out in the snow.

Fast forward several years to an orphanage and we find poor Billy, now with a severe Santa-phobia. Like all church run orphanages in movies, the Mother Superior is unsympathetic to the boy's plight and treats him like a weirdo.

Billy then grows up and lands a job as the storeroom boy for a local toy shop where we get a jolly montage of his few months there.

Seemingly unaware of Billy's past or his dislike of Santa, he is asked by the store to be Santa when the usual one can't be there. Billy reluctantly obliges, but it turns out to be too much for him and he cracks, going on a murderous rampage, shouting "naughty" as he kills everybody.

Not original in any particular way, again our killer has a sadness to him that makes you almost sympathetic to him. The poor guy needed some help. He also needed not to have a holiday temp job in a toy shop at Christmas.... And maybe a girlfriend... Anyway, while not in itself anything ground breaking, the controversy it caused all over the place is very interesting, especially considering that this film was not the original killer Santa movie.

The film does well to set up some rather well rounded characters; some of the nuns and the shop owner are particularly memorable. There are also some good B-movie action scenes and some lovely overacting from Billy when he sees the mall Santa.

A Christmas B-movie to enjoy, and nothing more.

[Image: Slayride films]

Hani

 

Christmas Evil

"Christmas Evil" (1980, Lewis Jackson, Pan American Pictures) is a holiday slasher movie with a conscience.



Harry stayed up late to see Santa once as a child in the '40s and witnessed 'Father Christmas' make love to his mother. Dismayed, he grows up to become obsessed with Santa and works in a toy factory. His home is filled with Santa memorabilia and he is even spying on the local children and keeping his own (rather elegantly bound) naughty and nice lists.



Throughout the film Harry begins to unravel further until he eventually snaps, going on a rampage in his Santa costume (complete with glued on beard!) that is part killing spree and part burglary, charity run and party entertaining.



An odd film. There are scenes of gore, but primarily this film acts more as a social commentary on consumerism, mental health, innocence and the sad side of the holidays.



Harry cuts a sympathetic character, not a monstrous serial killer. And really he's just trying to be a good Santa for the good children and punish the non-believing adults. In his own twisted way, he's doing the right thing... It's just that his moral compass is a little off.



It's neither good nor bad, it just kind of IS.... Vague, I know, but it was just a weird one!

[Image: Pan American Pictures]

Hani

Santa's Slay

"Santa's Slay" (2005, David Steiman, VIP Medienfonds 1, Media 8 Entertainment) is the horror comedy starring Bill Goldberg of WWE wrestling as Santa; the illegitimate son of Satan.

It seems Santa lost a bet and all this present-giving lark has been his punishment for the past few hundred years. But in 2005 it ended. So good ol' Saint Nick goes on a murder spree. Unfortunately for him, NicolasYuleson (Douglas Smith), Mary (Emilie de Ravin) and Nick's grandpa (Robert Culp) are out to put an end to his reign of terror...

A film that is precisely as bad as it sounds. It feels like it's purposefully trying to be bad as a nod to B-movies in general, but unfortunately just comes off as actually bad.

Some of the scenes are funny in their comic gore (the opener for instance, with James Caan is entertaining), and to give Goldberg his due, he is the best part of the film as psychotic Santa, but the thrill wears off quickly and the film is too long, too drawn out and too stupid without enough fun to save it from bargain bin badness.

Just another hammy holiday themed slaughter.

[Image: Media 8 Entertainment]

 

Hani