We're All Going to the World's Fair

 "We're All Going to the World's Fair" (2021, Jane Schoenbrun, Love In Winter LLC, Dweck Productions, Flies Collective) is a found footage/online footage, coming-of-age film.

Casey (Anna Cobb) is an awkward, lonely teenager who decides to complete an online viral creepypasta style challenge called "The World's Fair" on her video streaming channel. She carries out the ritual-like instructions and then continues to film her experiences to see what happens. Over the course of the film, a mysterious man going by the name JLB (Michael J. Rogers) contacts her apparently concerned for her well-being. We also see flashes of other streamers' experiences after doing the challenge. Primarily, we only really see the online content of the characters, which is clearly intentional as part of the narrative. We never truly meet 'Casey' or 'JLB' outside of their virtual worlds so our opinions of them are based on very limited information.

Full disclosure; I'm not overly fond of found footage films in general. Occasionally, one will really stand out for me and grab my attention (see "Hell House LLC", 2015 or "Death of a Vlogger", 2020), but they're not "my thing" as a rule. I think if you are a big fan of that genre, or even enjoyed the more art-house off-key surrealist tone of films like "The lighthouse" (2019) you might get more out of this film than I did.

Overall, I found the disjointed storytelling style to be distracting and dull. The film is more of a drama than a horror (which certainly isn't a bad thing), although there are a couple of small nods to a possible body-horror story being in there somewhere. I personally find watching the awkward footage of Casey dancing and the girl with the fingernails mumbling "sshhh, sleep" to be uncomfortable to watch and overly long, and not in a way that would make the film interesting or cerebral. I just feel like I stumbled onto that part of TikTok where I'm too old to really get it and too young to be blissfully unaware of it. And, considering I've been on the internet since my early teens (circa 2003), I don't think that's actually the case here. 

But, that's more my problem than the film's and a more contemporary audience might find this style strikes a chord for them. The biggest issue I have with it is that I was bored and by the time we reached the 'twist' I'd already lost interest and was just feeling grateful that the run time was a nice, old fashioned 86 minutes. 

That being said, as a genre fan, it's delightful to see a film of this kind getting so much attention. There's certainly a hype around this film right now, and I truly hope it delivers for others where it failed for me. I can appreciate a likely candidate for future cult classic when I see one.

There's a message in there about not believing everything you see online, about cultivating your own online reality, the temporary nature of many internet relationships and about being careful online etc... but I found it be a bit garbled on first viewing and this isn't a film I'd choose to revisit. 

Definitely worth checking out but likely to be a 'marmite' viewing experience.

[Image: Love in Winter LLC, et al]

Hani

Freaky

 "Freaky" (2020, Christopher Landon, Blumhouse Productions, Divide/Conquer, Universal Pictures) is a horror comedy.

Millie Kessler (Kathryn Newton) is a typical movie high school teenaged girl... she's also the school team's mascot. After getting within stabbing distance of murderer and local urban legend, The Blissfield Butcher (Vince Vaughn), she wakes to discover that she has traded bodies with the madman and is now faced with navigating life as a middle aged, wanted man while said man's consciousness is cavorting around town in her body! 

A hilarious and well-crafted horror comedy from Landon, who also brought us the amazing "Happy Death Day" franchise. The film takes the well-known concept of "Freaky Friday" and adapts it for a slasher film experience with such wonderful ease and tongue-in-cheek hilarity. 

Vince Vaughn excels as Millie, bringing humour and heart in equal measure and then is equally terrifying as The Butcher. Similarly, Kathryn Newton, gives an excellently disturbing performance as The Butcher, countered by her time on screen as Millie.

A fun premise that delivers exactly what you want from it and in a way that is completely rewatchable. I love a good horror comedy and this is a good horror comedy.

[Image: Universal Pictures]

Hani

Inhuman Kiss

"Inhuman Kiss" aka "Sang Krasue" (Sitisiri Mongkolsiri, 2019, Nakid, CJ Major Entertainment, M Pictures, Transformation Films) is a Thai horror romance centred around the Southeast Asian myth of the female Krasue spirit (aka Kasu or Ahp); the flesh eating floating head of a beautiful woman trailing entrails and tentacles, and the male Krahang; a ferocious male spirit.

We meet four children, Sai, Noi, Jerd and Ting, who are playing in the forest near an abandoned house. Jerd tells the group that the house is haunted by the spirit of a woman and then the children play hide and seek in the house. 

Years later Ting (Darina Boonchu) is married with a baby, Sai (Phantira Pipityakorn) is training to be a nurse, Jerd (Sapol Assawamunkong) is working with Sai as well as falling in love with her and Noi (Oabnithi Wiwattanawarang) has moved away from the village to live in Bangkok, much to the despair of Sai, who is in love with him. Everyone seems to be getting on with their lives when suddenly Noi returns to the village with a band of hunters on the trail of a Krasue spirit who is killing and eating the livestock. But Sai discovers to her horror that the Krasue is actually a curse and she is the one they are hunting...

Having just appeared on Netflix, and seeing a clip of the insane Krasue transformation online, I knew this would be my kind of film. But I was pleasantly surprised to find it was much more than I had expected. The film delivers a full and interesting plot as well as the gore and effects and manages to strike a balance between the cheesiness of the action and the rather straight-faced character development of our main three characters; Sai, Jerd and Noi. With a run time of just over 2 hours, I had expected to feel things were dragging a little, but the film's action is quite evenly spaced and the run time wasn't really a factor.  The effects are excellently achieved, and I felt the fact it wasn't trying to be funny really worked in its favour. Definitely worth checking out.

[Image: Nakid, et al]

Hani

Snatchers

"Snatchers" (2019, Stephen Cedars, Benji Kleiman, Warner Bros.) is a horror comedy about teen pregnancy.

Sara (Mary Nepi) is enjoying her senior year as a popular girl in school. But upon having sex for the first time ever with self-centred school hunk Skyler (Austin Fryberger) she wakes up the next day to find that she's suddenly nine months pregnant with an alien child... With the help of her ex-BFF, Hayley (Gabrielle Elyse), she attempts to deal with the situation with as small a massacre as possible (spoiler: it's not small) and without ruining her reputation amongst her new cool pals or revealing her shame to her mother.

With high energy, puppets, tonnes of blood, a great sense of humour and some strong acting from everyone involved, this fun little romp through the dangers of unprotected sex and why you shouldn't touch fragile displays in museums is an entertaining comedy horror which manages to pack a punch.

With shades of Critters, some splashes of Alien and a lot of Mean Girls/Heathers influence, "Snatchers" manages to deliver a cautionary tale without losing the sheer silliness and entertainment factor that the audience comes for.

[Image: Warner Bros.]

Hani

Look Away

"Look Away" (2018, Assaf Bernstein, Vertical Entertainment) is a dark psychological horror about the dangers of wishing you were someone else...

Maria (India Eisley) is an alienated teen girl, who's only friend, Lily (Penelope Mitchell), has a boyfriend Maria is harbouring secret feelings for. As well as being bullied and outcast at school, Maria is subjected to criticism at home, especially from her plastic surgeon father (Jason Isaacs). Maria discovers that her reflection, Airam, has a mind of her own and offers to switch places with Maria to help solve her problems. Maria submits to this and her more confident and aggressive double assumes her place in the real world, leaving Maria watching from the mirror realm... But, as Airam begins to exact ruthless revenge on those who upset Maria, Maria finds that she is unable to stop her or get her own place back in the world....

A surprisingly grim film, I especially enjoyed the scenes with the figure skating. The film also isn't scared to flirt with some darker aspects with the father character, without losing sight that it is a teen film. There are some plot twists that deliver quite well, some that don't seem to hit the mark as well, but without derailing the overall plot. And Eisley gives a great performance as both our timid protagonist, Maria, and our wily antagonist, Airam.

Overall, I found the film enjoyable, but it does suffer from having quite slow pacing, which takes away from the overall energy that is later built up during the revenge scenes. The intrigue of the premise kept me engaged, however, and, although it's certainly no perfect piece, I would venture  back for a rewatch in the future.

 [Image: Vertical Entertainment]

Hani

Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark

"Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark" (2019, André Øvredal, Lionsgate, Entertainment One, CBS Films, Sean Daniel Company) is a film based on the series of short stories by Austin Schwartz.

A horror anthology aimed at teens (think "Creepshow" meets "Goosebumps"), the film is surprisingly jumpy and really well put together. We follow Stella (Zoe Margaret Colletti), Auggie (Gabriel Rush), Chuck (Austin Zajur) and Ramon (Michael Garza) who find the book of scary stories by Sarah Bellows, the town's local horror legend, on Halloween night. The stories not only have a horrible way of becoming reality, however, the group discover new stories are still being written from beyond the grave and people they know, including themselves, are the unlucky protagonists... Can they put a stop to Sarah before it's too late?

Although very heavy on CGI which may not age very well in the long run, the film has a neat wraparound story and enjoys a seasonal Halloween theme which could make it a fun addition to annual viewing.

The stories are well adapted for screen from the original tales and even those of us too old to enjoy the childhood nostalgia of the stories themselves, the film still captures the feel of the tales and makes an entertaining 120 minutes.

Our protagonists and even antagonist bully, Tommy (Austin Abrams), feel well rounded and give a good performance in their roles. The late 60s setting of the film seems somewhat incidental, but not the the film's overall detriment. In the main, the adult characters are kept to the periphery and leave the main work to the kids.

I was pleasantly surprised at how good the scares were. The film doesn't seem to shy away from being quite dark and it's certainly a film young me would have loved. For the adult viewer it will feel relatively trope-laden but it's a perfect film for younger horror-hounds in the making who want to see something scary but aren't quite ready for some of the more adult targeted films. It's a good gateway film and could have the staying power for longevity in the future.

[Image: Lionsgate, et al]

Hani

Hell Fest

"Hell Fest" (2018, Gregory Plotkin, Tucker Tooley Entertainment, Valhalla Motion Pictures, CBS Films, Lionsgate) is a slasher film set at a Halloween theme park.

A group of teen friends visit the Hell Fest themepark together, enjoying their VIP passes. However, they soon notice that they are being followed by The Other, a masked man. Is it just another of the park's entertainment or have they attracted the attention of a serial killer?

While the film is serviceable, it is largely trope-ridden. The scares don't always successfully land and you don't get to know any of the characters well enough to make them much more than slasher fodder. The killer himself is also fairly forgettable and lacks any interesting quirks or characteristics that would let him in with any chance of joining the slasher villains' rogue gallery. It is nice, however, to see a film not just falling into the 'the park staff are in on it' story.

The festival itself looks fun and is a great scene for this type of story. The set design and range of horror themes threaded through the theme park are really well done and make the film worth seeing for that element alone.

All in all, it's not very original but is worth checking out if you're a slasher fan looking for something new to watch.

[Image: Tucker Tooley Entertainment, et al]

Hani

Haunter

"Haunter" (2013, Vincenzo Natali, Wild Bunch, IFC Midnight) is a haunted house story with a slant.


Lisa (Abigail Breslin) is a teenager in 1985. She's also dead. Lisa 'lives' in her house with her mum (Michelle Nolden), dad (Peter Outerbridge) and little brother, Robbie (Peter DaCunha) who appear unaware that they are also dead. Lisa's stuck in a Groundhog Day-esque timeloop of the same day; the car is always broken, the laundry is always needing done, dinner is always the same...


When Lisa becomes aware of her predicament, she tries to highlight it to her family but they seem to be oblivious to their situation. Lonely and angry, Lisa begins to try to find out what is going on. She starts to find clues and discovers that she is the ghost haunting the teenager, Olivia (Eleanor Zichy) now living in her room in 2013. To add to this, there may be a sordid history in the house and many other ghosts trapped there... Can Lisa stop it before Olivia's family are doomed to be next?!


A fun little film with a good performance from all of the cast, but especially from Breslin who is a sympathetic protagonist but also a strong character. She manages to walk the line of moody teenager and girl-in-peril without coming across as whiny or overbearing.


While the plot is fairly straightforward and the antagonist suffers from some confusing scenes throughout; the overall film is entertaining and creates an engaging atmosphere. The repetitive nature of the timeloop is something that has been done extremely well before (the previously mentioned Groundhog Day) and since (Happy Death Day). "Haunter" manages this timeloop fairly well also, with slight tweaks in the loop to show progression and just enough repetition to highlight what's going on. It also captures some elements reminiscent of the Amityville House.


"Haunter" nicely tells the tale from the ghost's perspective without getting too caught up in the ghost mythos, and delivers an intriguing little mystery. It's fairly light on the scares, however.

[Image: IFC Midnight, et al]

Hani

Gothika

I decided to give this one another shot as part of my Robert Downey Jr. appreciation 'month' (this has so far lasted 3 months and looks not to be ending anytime soon. That man is a gift.). My first and last viewing of this film was at a house party in 2005 and I remember being pretty unimpressed at the time. But I was a cocky 17 year old, so lets see how it fares this time:




"Gothika" (2003, Mathieu Kassovitz, Dark Castle Entertainment, Warner Bros. Pictures, Columbia Pictures) is a film about a psychiatrist who wakes up to find herself a patient in the mental hospital she works at.


Dr. Miranda Grey (Halle Berry) works at Woodward Penitentiary as a Criminal Psychiatrist. She is working with several disturbed and violent women including Chloe Sava (Penélope Cruz). She's also the wife of Dr. Douglas Grey (Charles S. Dutton) who runs the facility, and has an apparent friendship-but-nothing-more relationship with her colleague Dr. Pete Graham (Robert Downey Jr.) - much to the latter's disappointment.


On a stormy night, Dr. Grey crashes her car on a bridge while narrowly missing hitting a young girl standing in the road. When the Dr. approaches the girl to check if she's ok she bursts into flames. Miranda doesn't remember anything else until she wakes up as a patient at Woodward herself and Pete breaks the news to her that she apparently went home and brutally murdered Douglas.


Miranda spends the rest of the film slowly piecing together her memory with the help of a vengeful spirit and some pretty inefficient security in the hospital. What she finds out shakes her worldview and it's probably for the best that she'd already dispatched of Douglas.


The film suffers from a lot of things that aren't its fault. The main one being it's just another early 2000s teen-aimed horror with that annoying blue tinged hue over every scene. But there remain some gaping plot holes (really? Pete just pulls some strings and she's kept at her previous place of work? I don't think so) and just too much going on in the plot. It's like they made a few storyboards and decided to mash it all together; crooked cops, crooked doctors, malpractice, ghosts, murder, torture porn, revenge, amnesia, sexual deviants getting access to patients without (supposedly) anyone knowing, misrepresented mental health patients.... you name it, it's in here. It's a bit of a mess plot-wise.


One of my main gripes with the film is its criminal(-ly insane) underuse of its talented cast. Halle Berry as the protagonist gets a fair share of screen time but most of her time is spent screaming and/or being sedated so her character isn't given much depth outside of her initial intro as overworked psychiatrist who likes to swim. As the film moves on she gets to deliver a more proactive role and starts to do her own sleuthing, but ghostly possession, or not, I doubt that she would be set free at the end of the film, having, you know, murdered a guy! RDJ manages to inject some depth into the character of Pete through that amazing ability he possesses to humanise all of his characters, but essentially Pete is just there to be a hindrance to Miranda's escape and doesn't actually get to do much of note from a plot perspective except moon over Miranda and then act as jailor. Cruz' character is probably the most interesting of the film with a pretty sad story arc but she's more of a plot device than a main character.


But it's not all bad. The film remains watchable, and although it doesn't fit into any good-bad-cheese list it's also not so terrible that you can't sit through it. Whether  you'd actually want to is another question entirely. I can imagine the trope-laden, well trodden ideas behind the film still seeming fresh to the young and uninitiated, and it could certainly serve as a gateway to youngish, thirsty horror fans in the making who haven't yet been enticed by the pleasures of 2001's "Thirteen Ghosts" or 1999's "House on Haunted Hill" which, in my view, deliver a much better late 90s/early 2000s horror vibe.


What can I say? I came for the RDJ factor... and I pretty much stayed around for that, too. It seems 17 year old me and 31 year old me aren't so different after all.

[Image: Warner Bros., et al]

Hani

Knucklebones

"Knucklebones" (2016, Mitch Wilson, Midnight Releasing) is a supernatural slasher film.

Julin (Neesa Avery) had thought things were going well until her fiance ended their relationship. To cheer her up her friends decide to take her with them on a misguided night of partying at an abandoned factory which was the site of a brutal and mysterious massacre several decades previously. The friends come across a creepy, arcane looking dice game which includes amongst its pieces, some old human knuckle bones. Of course, being young and merry, the friends decide to play the game and accidentally conjure up the demonic presence of Knucklebones (Tom Zembrod) who makes it his business to brutally slay everyone in his path.

A fun genre entry which follows a well-trodden, but no less entertaining, slasher plot and format. The titular demonic entity has elements of some familiar antagonists such as Freddy Krueger and Jason Voorhees in that he's talkative (obviously a Freddy trait rather than a Jason one), seemingly omnipotent, disfigured and menacing. Our cast of killer-fodder are fairly standard beautiful characters (some in short-shorts) but this familiarity works to the film's benefit. Protagonist Julin, however, goes above and beyond the typical final girl role and takes command of her fate.

The kill scenes are well put together and imaginative with some nice bone breaking effects and the right dose of cheese. We're also treated to some cheesy Nazi experimentation and a nicely grim hand scene.

While it's not trying to break the mould, the film delivers an enjoyable B-movie slasher worthy of a view. Currently available on Amazon Prime.

[Image: Midnight Releasing]

Hani

Down a Dark Hall

"Down a Dark Hall" (2018, Rodrigo Cortés, Fickle Fish Films, Nostromo Pictures, Temple Hill Entertainment) is thriller-horror based on a teen novel by the same name.

Kit (AnnaSophia Robb) is a difficult teenager who gets in trouble often and does not get on with her parents. So they enrol her in a boarding school called Blackwood for 'gifted' students run by headmistress, Madame Duret (Uma Thurman). Kit and the other teens begin to feel that there is more to the winding halls of the school and soon discover that Blackwood Manor holds some secrets within its walls.

The film is very stylish with a lot of beautiful gothic scenes and some nice creep factor. The characters are fairly three-dimensional and enjoy a nice mix of flaws and charm. And, while it certainly has a teen-horror vibe and the scares are relatively limited, it delivers an entertaining package of weirdness.

The plot does get a little convoluted, however, overall I enjoyed this movie for its entertainment value. And that's what it's all about.

[Image: Fickle Fish Films, et al]

Hani

Garbage Pail Kids

"Garbage Pail Kids" (1987, Rod Amateau, Atlantic Entertainment Group, Topps Chewing Gum, Atlantic Releasing Corporation) is the live action movie based on the popular 80s parody trading cards.

A spaceship shaped like a metal trashcan somehow ends up under the protection of an antiques shop owner, Captain Manzini (Anthony Newley). It's never really explained how this comes to be. Manzini befriends a local kid called Dodger (Mackenzie Astin) who is getting relentlessly bullied by a group of older teens who look old enough to have mortgages. Dodger accidentally sets the garbage pail kids free during a scuffle with the bullies in the store, introducing us to seven of the kids: Greaser Greg (Phil Fondacaro & Jim Cummings). Valerie Vomit (Debbie Lee Carrington), Ali Gator (Kevin Thompson), Foul Phil (Robert Bell & Chloe Amateau), Nat Nerd (Larry Green & Jim Cummings), Windy Winston (Arturo Gil) and Messy Tessie (Sue Rossitto & Teri Benaron).

Together, Dodger and the gruesome kids attempt to help the girlfriend of one of Dodger's bullies on whom he has a crush. But Dodger is soon to learn that ugliness is not always on the outside...

A cheesy film full of disturbing puppets and toilet humour. It boasts a pretty flimsy plot and a sing-song that goes on way too long. I'm not sure what kind of bet Newley lost to be in this film, but I have to say that it kind of gives me a different kind of respect for him, really.

A film so bad that you just have to shake your head and wonder who the target audience really was. On one hand it is definitely not the kind of film most parents would want their kids to watch and on the other its humour does not really appeal to most adults. A really strange concept by all standards.

[Image: Atlantic Entertainment, et al]

Hani

Satanic

"Satanic" (2016, Jeffrey G. Hunt, MarVista Entertainment) is a supernatural horror.


A group of college kids (Sarah Hyland, Steven Krueger, Justin Chon and Clara Mamet) take a detour on their spring break trip to Coachella to check out some Satanic Panic sites in LA. On the way, they make some dubious decisions, meet some creepy characters and accidentally find themselves involved in the mysterious and deadly workings of a cult of devil worshippers.


A fairly slow film that has some good points, but all in all did not contain enough gore or brains to make it anything ground-breaking.


The good: the film boasts a few seemingly practical effects. It also manages to give most of the main characters fairly equal screen time and not pick a particular favourite until nearer the end. The locations are all also very effective and create some nice scenes, and the film has a fun little twist that didn't come out of nowhere, but gave the end a nice kick.    


The bad: most of the action happens at the tail end of the film resulting in a fair bit of build up that loses steam a little over halfway before picking up again. Our group of protagonists are also fairly unlikeable losing some of my viewer sympathy. Liking the characters isn't always a 'must-have' in horror, but sometimes it's a plus.


Our protagonists are also a bit dim (again not uncommon in horror films) and make some terrible, terrible life choices which kind of lead them from bad situation to bad situation. Whilst, as plots go, this is fairly fool-proof, it did make the situation of the group of wannabe true-crime extraordinaires seem less tragic when things started to go wrong for them.


While not bringing anything new to the B-movie genre and suffering a little from the pacing, "Satanic" delivered a watchable piece suitable to a slow Netflix night.

[Image: MarVista Entertainment]

Hani

Wolves

"Wolves" (2014, David Hayter, TF1 International, Copperheart Entertainment, Entertainment One, Ketchup Entertainment) is a werewolf movie.

A high school football player called Cayden (Lucas Till) discovers he is a werewolf when he attempts to attack his girlfriend and then blacks out, only to find his parents ripped to shreds. Mortified and wanted for murder, he goes on the run and comes across more of his kind in a small town called Lupine Ridge. There he learns that there are two kinds of werewolves; pure-breds and people who have been bitten and infected.

Cayden is not exactly well received by his werewolf brethren, particularly by Alpha-wolf, Connor (Jason Momoa) who takes exception to Cayden's romantic interest in Angel (Merritt Patterson). However, he does secure some work as a farmhand for John Tollerman (Stephen McHattie) and refuses to leave town.

Will Cayden's presence end the uneasy peace of the werewolves? What is his connection to the wolves and to the mysterious Connor?

A cheesy, and mostly forgettable movie that enjoys some fast-paced scenes but overall doesn't wow. Jason Momoa's presence is valued, but his character is not utilised nearly enough (and holds an axe at least once without throwing it. WTF?).

The effects are passable but the overall plot is standard fayre and pales in comparison as a coming-of-age werewolf flick to the likes of "Ginger Snaps".

[Image: TF1 International, et al]

Hani

Death Note

"Death Note" (2017, Adam Wingard, LP Entertainment, Vertigo Entertainment, Lin Pictures, Netflix) is an American horror film based on the Japanese Manga by Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata.

Light Turner (Nat Wolff) is a high school student. He's not popular, he's not athletic and he makes cash on the side through doing others' homework. When Light comes across a mysterious notebook and meets the sinister Ryuk (Willem Dafoe), a demonic death god, his life begins to change. Quickly unlocking the secrets of the notebook's power: to kill any individual properly targeted using the book, Light finds a kindred spirit in his crush, Mia (Margaret Qualley), and also attracts the unwanted attention of L (Lakeith Stanfield) , an FBI agent seeking to halt their murderous spree.

Although Light's original intentions may have been good, things become complicated and messy as time progresses and he becomes suspicious that Ryuk may not be on his side after all. The overall taking from this film is the old adage: 'power corrupts'.

The film offers some good qualities: Dafoe's performance as the creepy and charming Ryuk is very effective, and the aesthetics of the film are nicely put together. However, the film attempts to pack so much in to the run time that it feels slightly unfinished and focuses perhaps too much attention on the puppy-love aspect of the sub-plot as opposed to mysteries of the notebook or of Ryuk. The ending is also convoluted and felt unhinged from the rest of the film.

I've learned that as well as removing the story from Japan to suit a more Western audience, the film has made other changes to the plot and characters as to make this version very different from the base material. I am not much of a Manga reader, but I feel intrigued now to search "Death Note" out and give it a whirl, if anything to understand the base material more and perhaps seek a better appreciation for this interesting story.

[Image: Netflix]

Hani

Wish Upon

"Wish Upon" (2017, John R. Leonetti, Busted Shark Productions) is about the danger of getting what you wish for.

Clare (Joey King) was scarred as a child, finding her mother's body shortly after her suicide. As a teen she has become an outcast, with only a few close friends. When her father (Ryan Phillippe) presents her with a Chinese music box, which he found whilst dumpster diving, Clare is able to recognise one part of the inscription on the side which states "Seven Wishes". As a joke, she wishes for something awful to happen to her school bully and when the event transpires Clare begins to run with it, wishing willy nilly for everything she desires. If only she could work out the rest of the enscription, she might not be so keen...

An overdone premise that could have been a lot of fun, but failed to be either scary nor campy enough to salvage the film. From the trailers I had went in open minded, and hoping for some "Scream"-style teen horror fun mixed with "Wishmaster" and "Bad Girls from Valley High". But unfortunately the delivered material was pretty tame and not too clever. Most of the supporting characters were underutilised and, although King gives a good performance, her protagonist doesn't garner much viewer sympathy because of her actions.

All in all, it is an adequate starter movie for budding young horror fans to cut their teeth on, but it's certainly not the best example of a teen horror out there.

[Image: Busted Shark Productions]

Hani

The Pact

"The Pact" (2012, Nicholas McCarthy, Entertainment One, IFC Midnight, ContentFilm International) is an American haunted house horror.

Nicole (Agnes Bruckner) and Annie (Caity Lotz) are sisters. Their mother has died and they are reluctantly (and seperately) cleaning out the old house. They both had unhappy childhoods and do not want to be there.

When Nicole disappears whilst in the house, Annie goes to investigate, and look after Nicole's young daughter. It isn't long before Annie, Nicole's babysitter and a cop are all investigating the strange happenings of the house.

They seek the help of Stevie (Haley Hudson), a strange girl who can see things... Mainly dead people.... and she helps them to uncover a whole heap of creep.

It's a typical modern horror film. Bumps, jumps and dodgy camera angles. One thing I'll say is that the director does keep us watching, and often does not give all of the jumps when they're expected. I like that. I don't want it to be too predictable.

The gore and effects are good and there's a fair few jumps that aren't as cheapy thrilly as we've seen with other modern horrors recently.

However, the plot is just too tropey and dumb. I didn't love the reveal so much, and have to say that it's a pretty basic modern horror that's geared more to the non-horror fan who may be up for a horror for a change rather than anyone actually interested in being scared.

Tame, but not the worst.

[Image: Entertainment One]

 

Hani

Ouija

"Ouija" (2014, Stiles White, Platinum Dunes, Hasbro, Blumhouse Productions, Universal Pictures) was last Halloween's rush-job jumper brought to you by Hasbro.... Yep, you guessed it, it's pretty much a really long toy commercial...

Laine (Olivia Cooke) and her best pal Debbie (Shelley Hennig) used to love to play with a ouija board. Then they grew up and got into just filming everything ever (from the mundane tasks of cleaning their attic to their highschool conversations) with a digital camera instead, and the ouija board was banished from their minds.

Unluckily, it resurfaces again when Debbie cleans said attic, and the spirit she contacts with it is less than fluffy. Soon the whole gang are being hounded by this vengeful ghost, but is everything as it seems....?

...Of course it is. This film was nothing but a string of tropes. So predictable was every clichéd scene that my boyfriend and I began shouting out what was coming before it happened in order to actually entertain ourselves.

Another thing is its complete lack of pacing. The film takes forever to get to the point, and then wants to bombard you with typical horror fayre thereafter. By the time the action hit I was bored.

The big 'twist' is so obvious it isn't even worth being wary of spoilers and the teens are extremely catalogue-y.

Generic as all hell. I recommend for teens and sleepovers, and that's all. And, how unscary is the name Doris? Seriously?!

[Image: Hasbro, et al]

Hani

The Funhouse

"The Funhouse" (1981, Tobe Hooper, Universal Pictures) is an American slasher.

A group of teen couples decide to sneak into the travelling carnival's Ghost Train, or "Funhouse", for an overnight romp only to witness a murder and then have to run from the deformed killer and his travelling family!

Pretty standard slasher fare, I was surprised to find it was a post-Chainsaw Tobe Hooper film. However, there are a few laughs, an enjoyable deformed mask (complete with slobber) and a pretty good axe through the head scene.

The setting is always going to be a winner with creepy sideshows and spook house nonsense and the simple plot lends itself well to the setting and doesn't try to go into any backstory.

A simple, pleasing, if slow, slasher film. Not Hooper's best, but still a good fright night movie.

[Image: Universal Pictures]

 

Hani

Excision

"Excision" (2012, Richard Bates, Jr., BXR Productions, Anchor Bay Films) is an odd film about a creepy teenaged girl with delusions of becoming a surgeon.

Pauline (AnnaLynne McCord) is an 18 year old girl who lives with her overbearing, religious mother (Traci Lords), her scaredy cat father (Roger Bart) and her bright and friendly younger sister, Grace (Ariel Winter), who has cystic fibrosis.

Pauline is an odd girl with ratty hair, an angry demeanor, a history of bad behaviour and a serious lack of moral compass. She aspires to become a surgeon and experiences sexual excitement from blood, conveyed to us her disturbed dreams. She also enjoys practising her surgical technique on herself and on roadkill. The only person who likes her is her younger sister who's health is quickly failing her.

Pauline is an eccentric, mentally disturbed outcast. The character should echo Carrie, but McCord's sinister performance and creepy 'makeover' really create a different kind of antagonist. Unlike in Carrie, Pauline isn't really a victim, although she is still a missunderstood girl. Pauline doesn't care that she's outcast, she doesn't have any remorse and she doesn't comprehend that what she's doing is wrong (why would she, she's cleared it with god first?!).

The gory dream scenes are odd. While they show the diversity of McCord, they lost my interest after a while, but they are very beautifully shot.

The build up is slow, but I enjoyed the journey with this creepy girl. Her demented beliefs and delusions become evident early on, but the finale is really hard-hitting. Not for the faint hearted, this teenage psycho-drama/dark comedy is an interesting watch. Like Carrie meets Donnie Darko, but with less superpowers and more gore.

Not everyone's cup of tea, but interesting in its uniqueness.

[Image: Anchor Bay Films]

 

Hani