Thursday, 31 January 2013

Friday The 13th (2009)

"Friday The 13th" (2009, Marcus Nispel, Michael Bay, Paramount Pictures, New Line Cinema, Platinum Dunes) is the remake of the first four original "Friday the 13th" films, pretty much, all mashed into one.

Well, what can I say other than, as usual, Michael Bay's stamp has once again brought mostly disappointment to a classic reboot which had so much potential. Although, it's not really his fault. He didn't direct it. It's the man behind 2003's "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" remake, Marcus Nispel, who did all of that.

I'm just venting here. The main problems with this film is the sheer uncreative pitfalls which it falls into.

I love films which involve teens, cabins, woods, mishaps and murder. But, I also like a little bit of something different in there, too. "F13 Reboot" only goes through the motions and ups the sex and gore. The kills aren't tense or scary, and the characters are too same-y and obnoxious. I refuse to believe that all floppy haired boys in America are complete douche-bags!

The kills feel like they are just checking off the list and often I found myself sighing audibly and just waiting for the scene to end. I'm usually the relishing type. 

Jason is excellently played by Derek Mears, a mountain of a man, who gives us a faster-moving, thinking Jason Vorhees, still with menacing demeanour. The main fault in the Jason character is his severe lack of good lurking. Sure, he's lurking but he's too obvious, and where's the creepy 'from Jason's perspective' bits?

The film starts at the end of the original film, but also covers two separate groups of teens.The characters are disposable as hell, which is handy as they get disposed of as fast as hell!

The grounding point of the original F13 films is that Jason died because camp counsellors were drinking and having sex, instead of looking after him. And so, there's plenty of boobs and there's more sex scenes than horror... And who doesn't like a bit of beer pong and (slightly safer than real life) danger can?

The gore is good, even if the kill scenes themselves are just boring, long and nothing to write home about. But there's too much going on and just generally the film feels like an empty, oversexed gore-fest without any real comedic breaks (even if they do try hard to create this in three characters).

Of course, I can't really fault the acting, which, for an F13 film is excellent. Mainly because the actors playing the 2 Dimensional slasher fodder this time are actually known. Oh, and naturally, I do love Jared Padalecki, who makes this film flow a lot better than it would have otherwise as he searches for his missing sister (from the set of teens who were camping).

Now, I'm not saying it's anything worse than some of the other "F13"s out there, because, like all horror franchises, they jumped the shark so high they ended up in space... Quite literally, see 'Jason X'. 

Plus, we get to have the hockey mask!

But it's nothing new, and apart from being a vehicle for some young actors, a string to the director's bow and a fab creative project for the special effects guys, this film holds nothing I care about and probably doesn't even appeal to the teens of today, who should, in my view, really be made to watch the originals anyway! Give me a grainy, dirty, low budget slasher flick over this film any day.

First they beheaded his mother, now they're stealing his wild-growing weed!