Contagion

"Contagion" (2011, Steven Soderbergh, Warner Bros. Pictures, Participant Media, Imagenation Abu Dhabi, Double Feature Films) is a film about a deadly virus spreading worldwide.

I thought that during these current times of COVID-19 I'd revisit the excellent, terrifying and sadly extremely relevant "Contagion".

Beth Emhoff (Gwyneth Paltrow) returns home from an international business trip and accidentally sets in motion a pandemic which spreads like wildfire. We follow different characters who are in the main unaware of their connections to one another as they seek to contain, report, fight or escape the lethal virus.

The film does an excellent job of highlighting how easily the virus spreads, how quickly the panic spreads and how woefully under-prepared the world is in the face of such a situation. Unfortunately, looking at our current events, we are globally even less prepared than displayed in this film. But in the main, it is truly haunting how on the nose the film's events are.

The cast is fantastic. With excellent performances across the board from Matt Damon, Kate Winslet, Jude Law, Laurence Fishburne, Chin Han, Marion Cotillard, Elliott Gould, Gwyneth Paltrow... frankly everyone.

Well paced and engaging, the film is gripping at the best of times, but its currently relatable content rings disturbingly true at present.

[Image: Warner Bros. Pictures]

Hani

Blood Monkey

"Blood Monkey" (2007, Robert Young, Thai Occidental Production, RHI Entertainment, Genius Entertainment) is a nature-bites-back adventure horror set in Thailand.

A group of student anthropologists travel to the jungle to assist Professor Conrad Hamilton (F. Murray Abraham) in his quest to capture a creature he believes to be the missing link in human evolution. Only, when the students arrive they discover that the initial research team are no longer there and the Professor and his somewhat sadistic assistant, Chenne (Prapimporn Karnchanda), are less than professional. Can they escape the jungle before the massive, bloodthirsty trophy specimen can brutally murder them all?

I will admit I watched this film for two reasons:

1. It is a B-movie with a pun title
2. I have a crush on Matt Ryan

I stayed for two reasons:

1. Matt Ryan
2. Matt Ryan using his own accent

Ok, a third reason: F. Murray Abraham hamming it up big style! If the scenery hadn't been potentially poisonous, he would have been chomping on it. 

This is a straight-to-DVD syfy movie so it plays out in a very by-the-numbers style: too much dialogue, not enough 'monster'. But it does have some entertaining effects when we finally do see some of our 'monkeys' and there was an abseiling scene which must have been sketchy to film...

It doesn't outstay its welcome at 90 minutes and delivers the anticipated levels of cheese, but it could have been doing with a little bit more monkey for our money. It's definitely a cautionary tale about outlandish uni trips with maniacal professors.

[Image: RHI Entertainment]

Hani

Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid

"Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid" (2004, Dwight H. Little, Columbia TriStar) is the disconnected sequel to Anaconda.

A group of scientific researchers journey to Borneo, Indonesia to hunt for the rare Blood Orchid which they believe has important medical properties which could extend human lives. They pay a guide to take them up river in their search, despite severe weather and flood warnings. And snakes. Lots of man eating snakes.

An adventure horror sequel which plays out pretty much as you expect it to. B-movie script, B-movie action, CGI that looks a bit clunky, some back stabbing, an obvious twist and the star of the show; Captain Bill's monkey friend.

A good bit of fun of notably lesser quality than the original film, and with more numerous, but less menacing, snakes.

[Image: Columbia Tri-Star]

Hani

In the Tall Grass

"In the Tall Grass" (2019, Vincenzo Natali, Copperheart Entertainment, Netflix) is based on Stephen King and Joe Hill's novella of the same name.

The pregnant Becky (Laysla De Oliveira) and her brother, Cal (Avery Whitted), hear a child's call for help coming from a large field of very tall grass while stopped at the side of the road. Concerned for the child, they enter the grass and get lost themselves and separated. During their time in the grass they meet young Tobin (Will Buie Jr.), his father, Ross (Patrick Wilson) and mother, Natalie (Rachel Wilson). It becomes apparent that not everything is as it seems in the grass and eventually Travis (Harrison Gilbertson), Becky's ex, will come in search of the pair. A twisty tale with time loops, ancient magic, mystery, madness and murder.

The story itself is pretty interesting and the time looping elements flesh out the overall plot. Will Buie Jr.in particular gives a great performance as the various versions of Tobin. There's also a fair amount of gore, which I hadn't anticipated.

However, the film suffers from a drudging pace, and although the grass is certainly menacing, I found it a long 90 minutes.

[Image: Netflix]

Hani

Monkey Shines

"Monkey Shines" aka "Monkey Shines: An Experiment in Fear" (1988, George A. Romero, Orion Pictures) is a film about a killer Capuchin monkey and one man's life changing.


Allan (Jason Beghe) is an active man with a seemingly idyllic lifestyle. Alas, things change for Allan when he is involved in an accident, rendering him quadriplegic. With his life forever altered, his girlfriend leaving him for his Neurosurgeon, John Wiseman (Stanley Tucci), and his meddling mother (Joyce Van Patten) and rough nurse (Christine Forrest) on the scene controlling his every move, Allan is beginning to feel that death would be a simpler solution.


In a morally questionable attempt to help out his buddy and also protect his human brain tissue/monkey injection research from his sneaky boss, Geoffrey (John Pankow), a scientist friend of Allan's, decides to have his best monkey specimen, Six (Boo) trained by Melanie (Kate McNeill); a specialist in quadriplegia and a trainer of helper monkeys for the disabled. Melanie renames Six Ella and trains her up.


Soon Allan is finding a new lease on life again with both his helpful little monkey pal and with Melanie. Unbeknownst to them both, however, Geoffrey is still injecting Ella with his serum in an attempt to increase her intellect to human levels. As time progresses and Allan's bond with Ella increases, it becomes apparent that things are getting creepy. Especially when things and people that upset Allan suddenly wind up dead at very small, somewhat hairy hands...


A fun but clunky piece that does not feel like any other Romero movie. However, being his first studio film, this may be the main reason why and the odd outcome seemed to disenchant Romero with studio films completely as he soon returned to independent films which gave him more creative freedom. The monkey is adorable, there's one or two jumps and the film approaches themes of romance with a disabled character with a fair amount of class and a fairly x-rated scene. Overall it is a  fairly enjoyable film, however, it suffers from pacing, a lot of studio changes that make it feel unstructured and a decidedly odd feeling ending.

[Image: Orion Pictures]

Hani



Zombeavers

"Zombeavers" (2014, Jordan Rubin, Epic Pictures Group, Armory Films, Benderspink, Hypotenuse Pictures) is a horror comedy about zombie beavers.

A group of college girls go out to a riverside cabin to forget about their man troubles only to be shortly joined by said men. Sadly for all involved, the river is home to a band of ravenous and bloodthirsty zombie beavers...

A campy film which, in the style of Sharkando, knows it and thrills in it's stupidity. While it's not the best nature fights back horror comedy out there, I enjoyed it. There's bucketloads of blood, a host of ridiculous action (the beavers cut the phone lines.... The BEAVERS cut the phone lines....), puns, and a few tongue-in-cheek nods to 'Jaws'. It's a good brainless summer romp.

All the characters are worth your contempt. Not a single one of them has any redeeming properties. However, this is perfect for this kind of movie. I don't want to see them succeed; I want to see them being eaten by ridiculously unrealistic zombie beaver handpuppets!

It's not big, it's not clever and it's proud of the fact. Perfect crappy movie for a night in with friends and a pizza.

[Image: Epic Pictures Group, et al]

Hani

 

Hell

"Hell" (2011, Tim Fehlbaum, Oliver Kahl) is a German-language film about a dystopian future where the sun has become too hot to stand and the world has become a post-apocalyptic nightmare.

Surviving in a small group, Marie (Hannah Herzsprung), her little sister Leonie (Lisa Vicari) and Phillip (Lars Eidinger) are foraging the barren wasteland for water and fuel, now uncommon commodities.

They happen across another survivor, Tom (Stipe Erceg) on their travels as they head towards the Alps, where they hope there is more to live off of. Unfortunately for them they aren't the only ones still alive, and not everyone is surviving in such friendly ways.

Since I was in Germany visiting friends, I thought it would be cool to give this film a try. It's title works out rather nicely in both German and English. In German it means 'light', which is apt considering the main theme of the film, and then 'hell' also has obvious connotations in English which fit well with the post-apocalyptic scenery.

The film seems to be in two halves; the first of which is a believable and very organic feeling film about survival and human emotions; And then the second half which seems to jump into a more chaotic movie with a bit of "House of 1000 Corpses" thrown in for good measure (but admittedly much, much less crazy and a bit more realistic).

That's not to say that this film is gory. It actually does quite well to be a nail-biter without much blood actually being spilled on screen and is more an intense thriller than a 'horror'.

Nicely realistic, shot with some interesting camera work and with a hue to the screen that captures how bright and fatal the sun has become. Everything feels suitably dusty and dry.

I wouldn't say it was my new favourite, but I watched it thoroughly rapt to the screen for the full run time.

Not for those who don't like to read subtitles or don't happen to speak German, but it's an interesting concept and a film I'd recommend giving a try!

Hani 

Slugs

"Slugs" (1988, Juan Piquer Simón, New World Pictures) is a nature-bites-back B-movie so latter day 80s, you could die.

Mike Brady (Michael Garfield) is the health inspector of a small town which becomes overrun by mutated, flesh-eating slugs. It is up to him, an English scientist and his sanitation department friend to put a stop to the epidemic before it's too late.

From the rocker teens to the terrible dress sense, this film is just delightfully B-class. The slugs are pretty gross and I'm pretty sure in one scene they really do cut a real one in half...!

It might put you off eating salad for a while, and there's certainly some fun 80s gore to enjoy. Slugs have to be the least threatening of all the gross legless things out there, but this film does pretty well to make them into an entertaining 'threat'.

There are explosions, a gardener who pulls an (Evil Dead) Ash (replacing chainsaw for another cutting tool), unconvincing biting slug puppets, naked chicks being eaten alive, gouged eyes, flamboyant restaurant death scenes, buckets of fake blood, screams, a lake scene, half-eaten corpses, lab hamsters, incredibly flawed action plans and terribly 80s B-movie dialogue. What more can you ask?

Hardly scary, but definitely bad-movie fun. So underrated and definitely not to be taken seriously!

[Image: New World Pictures]

Hani

Lake Placid

"Lake Placid" (1999, Steve Miner, Phoenix Pictures, 20th Century Fox) is an American monster movie with a monster which is more believable than the likes of King Kong or Godzilla. I think that's one of the things that makes the idea of this film scary. But maybe not the film itself.

The start of this film is nicely gory, and if you don't know what you're going into it's a good shock. Of course, not that many people would go into this film without knowing that it's about the 30-foot man-eating crocodile that time forgot but... imagine you didn't.

After the death of a police officer in the lake and the witness of the attack by the local game and fish officer, Jack Wells (Bill Pullman), a team is assembled to find out what is in the lake and to get rid of it.

Finding a tooth in the body of the officer which appears to be prehistoric, they send for a specialist from the Natural History Museum. The museum sends Paleontologist, Kelly Scott (Bridget Fonda), who has recently been dumped by her cheating lover and boss...

A typical film of this kind, the team don't get on and there are many disputes between the cops, wildlife officers and Kelly. Then they are joined by an eccentric crocodile expert, Hector Cyr (Oliver Platt), who is adamant that that is what the creature is. What d'ya know? He's right!

Betty White gives an enjoyably creepy performance as sweet little old Delores Bickerman, a crazy lady living on the lake who has a supremely nasty side, and takes being an animal person to a whole new level...!

Pretty much, this film is "Jaws" in a lake. The water scenes are tense, the special effects are good for the 90s, the acting is satisfying, there's a small twist or two and the scenes are mildly funny. I can't fault this film because it serves exactly what it aims to; a monster film about a gigantic man-eater in a lake and a rather dysfunctional group of people sent to sort it out. Whether it's mean't to be satirical of 'nature-bites-back' films or not, is really up to the viewer.

Oh and a cow gets flying lessons... Anyone who wants anything more should really go watch another film!

[Picture: 20th Century Fox]

 

Hani

Troll Hunter

"Troll Hunter" (2010, André Øvredal, Filmkameratene A/S, Film Fund FUZZ) is a Norwegian fantasy film with some horror elements. It is the story of some, now "missing", University students who are filming for a project. The film is comprised of their film footage.

They believe that they are on the trail of a bear poacher who is killing rampaging bears all over Norway. What they soon find is that they are on the trail of the one and only Troll Hunter who is hunting rampaging trolls all over Norway, killing them and then planting bear carcasses so as not to let the general public know that trolls exist.

I've been to Norway before. It's beautiful, I highly recommend a visit. I went up in a funicular to the Troll visitor centre. Trolls are a native story to the region, and are present in many Norwegian folk tales. At the visitor centre there is a giant stone Troll, fabled to be the remains of a real creature, who was caught in sunlight.

In this film only the eldest trolls will turn to stone when in sunlight....or faced with UV tanning lights, apparently. The younger ones explode! This leads to a lot of exploding troll scenes, which I'm appreciative of!

The film brings in a level of realism which, if you allow yourself to be sucked into it, can keep you in a state of suspended acceptance. They explain why trolls react and die in sunlight/UV light, they explain troll habits, they describe and show many race of troll, and advise on troll protection. They mark out territories and describe behaviour...

The teen film crew are made up of Thomas (Glenn Erland Tosterud), who is the group leader and presenter of the video, Johanna (Johanna Mørck) who is the sound girl and wears some very snazzy hats and camera man Kalle (Tomas Alf Larsen), and then later camera woman Malica (Urmila Berg-Domaas).

The film is completely displayed as 'found footage', but manages to be watchable and clear, unlike 'The Blair Witch Project'. The characters are very realistic and the banter between them is reminiscent of most Uni project groups I've worked in as a Design student.

They begin by interviewing legal bear hunters, who are up in arms about the dead bears, accusing the mysterious man, Hans (Otto Jespersen, who is a Norwegian comedian, I believe), of poaching. Then the team decide to begin following Hans and his grubby caravan full of smelly oddities. At first he is dismissive, angry and avoids the teens, but he eventually allows them to film him and join him on his hunt.

Hans explains that he is miserable, sick of his job and disenchanted with the whole thing. He has been asked to kill all trolls, no longer just ones which are out of control or out of their designated territory.

The film is creative and funny with some tense moments, improved beyond a doubt by the filming technique.

Trolls can smell Christianity, apparently. I muse that as Norway is a predominantly Christian country, the trolls were hunted mainly by Christians, maybe? And as a defense, have learned to smell them out. My friend and I had just begun discussing whether it was strictly Christianity, or a general belief in God (i.e., would a Muslim or Jewish person also be at risk from Troll attack) when the film handed us the answer! Oh ironic timing :) However, maybe trolls were just simply meant to be evil and so could smell 'good'? I'm not sure. In this version, the trolls just appear to be unusual but natural creatures, of no high level thoughts whatsoever.

"Troll Hunter" is both lighthearted, and a comment on wildlife conservation. The 'Troll Security Service' or TSS, is the secret department in charge of keeping trolls under control.

The action is good, there is little gore (except for explosive trolls) and most of the scary bits are strictly tension. The special effects are good, too. The trolls do look like realistic creatures, and blend into the landscape nicely. And they all have the distinctive comically large noses seen in old fairy tale books.

We watched "Troll Hunter" in Norwegian with subtitles, if you're a bit unadventurous I suppose it wouldn't take much away watching it dubbed over, but I like to see it in its native tongue.

Some twists are present in the plot, but my favourite one had you expecting a 'zombie' style bite-related disaster!

Not technically a horror, but jumpy when it needs to be and very awesome all round.

[Picture: Filmkameratene A/S]

Hani

The Birds

"The Birds" (1963, Alfred Hitchcock, Universal Pictures) is a very suspense-filled nature-bites-back horror film.

Melanie Daniels (Tippi Hedren) is a young woman of leisure from a rich family. She is goaded by a young lawyer, Mitch Brenner (Rod Taylor) in a bird shop and, intrigued, goes out to his home town, Bodega Bay, California, to teach him a lesson. She winds up meeting his mother, Lydia (Jessica Tandy) and little sister Cathy (Veronica Cartwright) and decides to hang around as Mitch and she become close.

She is randomly attacked by a seagull while on her boat back from his house, but dismisses this as an odd happenstance. Later that night, another seagull flies face first into the front door, killing itself, but she also dismisses this.

She rents a room with the local school teacher, Annie Hayworth (Suzanne Pleshette), who also happens to be Mitch's ex, and joins Mitch and his family for dinner.

A series of other bird attacks soon become suspicious, and the town slowly realise that the birds are purposefully attacking them!

Some gorey corpses always interested me in this movie as a child, especially the guy with his eyes pecked out! And the bit with the sparrows and the fireplace is still spooky!

If you have a bird phobia, obviously this film is either not for you, or will give you a good scare, depending on what kind of person you are (for instance zombies give me the grade A creeps, which is why I love watching zombie movies; actually scary!).

Melanie's character is enjoyable as a female protagonist as she doesn't scream mindlessly all the time. She keeps it cool until the end when she finally loses it, and she's actually useful without being written as a man with boobs (see the character of Rayne in the first 'Resident Evil' movie). In fact, the only time I was willing her to scream is the bit in the attic when she does lose her cool; screaming would have been helpful here!

I find this film a little slow to start, but once it begins it keeps up the pace and the slow build up of birds around the houses and school is really, very atmospheric. I also enjoyed the constant, intially unnoticeable, but later very obvious, bird noises throughout the movie. The flocking noises are reminiscent of insects swarming which is very effective.

I like birds, and have a pet parrot called Paulie (yes, honestly that is his name), but I can hands-up admit that when he freaks out and goes for your face it is the scariest thing! I can't imagine what hundreds of angry, panicked birds attacking you would feel like, and I don't think I ever want to know!

The reason for the attacks is never explained and the end of the movie is open with no real conclusion. But rather than feeling cheated, this adds to the charm of the film. A real classic.

[Picture: Universal Pictures]

Hani