Blood Monkey

"Blood Monkey" (2007, Robert Young, Thai Occidental Production, RHI Entertainment, Genius Entertainment) is a nature-bites-back adventure horror set in Thailand.

A group of student anthropologists travel to the jungle to assist Professor Conrad Hamilton (F. Murray Abraham) in his quest to capture a creature he believes to be the missing link in human evolution. Only, when the students arrive they discover that the initial research team are no longer there and the Professor and his somewhat sadistic assistant, Chenne (Prapimporn Karnchanda), are less than professional. Can they escape the jungle before the massive, bloodthirsty trophy specimen can brutally murder them all?

I will admit I watched this film for two reasons:

1. It is a B-movie with a pun title
2. I have a crush on Matt Ryan

I stayed for two reasons:

1. Matt Ryan
2. Matt Ryan using his own accent

Ok, a third reason: F. Murray Abraham hamming it up big style! If the scenery hadn't been potentially poisonous, he would have been chomping on it. 

This is a straight-to-DVD syfy movie so it plays out in a very by-the-numbers style: too much dialogue, not enough 'monster'. But it does have some entertaining effects when we finally do see some of our 'monkeys' and there was an abseiling scene which must have been sketchy to film...

It doesn't outstay its welcome at 90 minutes and delivers the anticipated levels of cheese, but it could have been doing with a little bit more monkey for our money. It's definitely a cautionary tale about outlandish uni trips with maniacal professors.

[Image: RHI Entertainment]

Hani

Monkey Shines

"Monkey Shines" aka "Monkey Shines: An Experiment in Fear" (1988, George A. Romero, Orion Pictures) is a film about a killer Capuchin monkey and one man's life changing.


Allan (Jason Beghe) is an active man with a seemingly idyllic lifestyle. Alas, things change for Allan when he is involved in an accident, rendering him quadriplegic. With his life forever altered, his girlfriend leaving him for his Neurosurgeon, John Wiseman (Stanley Tucci), and his meddling mother (Joyce Van Patten) and rough nurse (Christine Forrest) on the scene controlling his every move, Allan is beginning to feel that death would be a simpler solution.


In a morally questionable attempt to help out his buddy and also protect his human brain tissue/monkey injection research from his sneaky boss, Geoffrey (John Pankow), a scientist friend of Allan's, decides to have his best monkey specimen, Six (Boo) trained by Melanie (Kate McNeill); a specialist in quadriplegia and a trainer of helper monkeys for the disabled. Melanie renames Six Ella and trains her up.


Soon Allan is finding a new lease on life again with both his helpful little monkey pal and with Melanie. Unbeknownst to them both, however, Geoffrey is still injecting Ella with his serum in an attempt to increase her intellect to human levels. As time progresses and Allan's bond with Ella increases, it becomes apparent that things are getting creepy. Especially when things and people that upset Allan suddenly wind up dead at very small, somewhat hairy hands...


A fun but clunky piece that does not feel like any other Romero movie. However, being his first studio film, this may be the main reason why and the odd outcome seemed to disenchant Romero with studio films completely as he soon returned to independent films which gave him more creative freedom. The monkey is adorable, there's one or two jumps and the film approaches themes of romance with a disabled character with a fair amount of class and a fairly x-rated scene. Overall it is a  fairly enjoyable film, however, it suffers from pacing, a lot of studio changes that make it feel unstructured and a decidedly odd feeling ending.

[Image: Orion Pictures]

Hani



The Meg

"The Meg" (2018, Jon Turteltaub, Warner Bros. Pictures, Gravity Pictures, Flagship Entertainment, Apelles Entertainment, Di Bonaventura Pictures, Maeday Productions) is a giant killer shark movie.

Jonas (Jason Statham) is a submarine rescue pilot who has been out of the business for a while following a rescue mission where he had to leave two of his crew mates behind after the stricken sub was hit by something very large, forcing the rescue vehicle to detach. As well as feeling tremendous guilt over the death of his friends, despite his actions saving everyone else aboard, Jonas' story about the submarine being hit by a giant creature is disbelieved by everyone. And he is assumed to have suffered a mental breakdown.

His services are once again required, however, when a deep sea exploratory mission financed by a millionaire (Rainn Wilson) and crewed by a varied team of scientists and engineers is trapped at extreme depths citing the aggressive presence of a gigantic shark; the megalodon.

This movie asks all the important questions. Can Jonas save this submarine crew? Will he fall for the daring and intelligent (although perhaps not the best at making decisions) Suyin (Li Bingbing)? Is Meiying (Sophia Cai) the most adorable, yet unsettlingly smart kid on screen yet? How many unrealistic submarine gadgets will we get to see while our heroes do battle with a huge shark? Will the humans inevitably destroy everything they find, as befitting the B-movie nature-bites-back trope we have come to know and love?

A genuinely fun action B-movie with some tongue in cheek humour, shiny, shiny gadgets and a big, bad killer shark. Jason Statham delivers a reluctant hero with his usual swagger and the film doesn't pretend to take itself too seriously, but enjoys a good budget, nice special effects and there are plenty of scenes featuring the titular Meg in full-on attack mode.

It's never going to be Jaws, but it wasn't trying to be in the first place.

[Image: Warner Bros. et al]

Hani

Ghost Stories

"Ghost Stories" (2017, Andy Nyman, Jeremy Dyson, Altitude Film Entertainment, Warp Films, Catalyst Global Media, Screen Yorkshire, Lionsgate Films) is an anthology film based on a stage play.

Philip Goodman (Andy Nyman) is a Professor who debunks fraudster psychics and other paranormal healers on his TV show. He explains at the beginning of the film that his disdain for such beliefs arose out of his own experiences where his strict, religious father disowned Philip's sister for dating someone whom he did not approve of.

Philip is thrilled to be asked by his hero, Charles Cameron, whom he had thought deceased, to investigate some cases that he had been unable to resolve himself. Cameron tells Philip that he no longer believes that there are no ghosts. Philip pursues the three cases, keen to prove the old man wrong.

Philip visits first a night watchman (Paul Whitehouse) who believes that he was haunted by the spirit of a dead girl. However, he also has guilt over not visiting his own daughter who is ill and Philip believes that the watchman is simply haunted by his own guilt. This segment was perhaps the slowest, and I did find myself a little bored. Although, I do like Paul Whitehouse.

Philip is then introduced to a strange young man (Alex Lawther) who believes that he ran the devil over when joy riding in his father's car. However, Philip observes that the boy is obsessed with the occult and has a dysfunctional relationship with his parents and so surmises that the boy has simply imagined it. This segment did not go the way I was expecting, but I can't help but think that more creep factor could have been made from the parents.

Finally, Philip meets a Financier (Martin Freeman), who explains that he was haunted by a Poltergeist during the birth of his child. His wife died during the ordeal and the child, it is intimated, is abnormal; but in what way it is not revealed. This segment was my favourite of the film and featured a shocking scene that was delivered with such calm sobriety from Freeman that it made it all the more chilling.

Returning to Cameron, Philip begins to experience strange happenings of his own and the film takes a bizarre and unnerving twist that somewhat saved it from being yet another anthology horror.

The film was somewhat slow burning and some scenes were extremely dark, however, I enjoyed the various reveals throughout and the cold, cold ending.

[Image: Altitude Film Entertainment, et al]

Hani