The Stuff

"The Stuff" (1985, Larry Cohen, New World Pictures, Anchor Bay Entertainment) is a schlocky little bit of American 80s B-movie comedy horror.

When a group of miners discover some white gloop bubbling out of the earth what can they do but taste it to discover it's delicious? Soon the stuff is being marketed as a yummy, addictive new dessert called...well, The Stuff!

Quickly replacing ice cream before replacing all food, The Stuff is being eaten obsessively by every family in America! But what is it? And why does it move around so much by itself? It's up to a little boy called Jason (Scott Bloom) and ex-FBI agent David 'Mo' Rutherford (Michael Moriarty) to uncover what is really going on before everyone has been taken over by the sweet dessert and melted from the inside!

Low budget and tongue in cheek, Cohen's satirical homage to the food-horror zombie-conspiracy style is good fun. From the painfully 80s marketing jingle to the scenes where it seems like a good idea to set The Stuff on fire while it's stuck to peoples' faces, it will keep you chuckling, but probably not guffawing.

Definitely not cerebral viewing, but good fun. And it may temporarily put you off eating marshmallow.

[Image: New World Pictures]

 

Hani

Lost Boys: The Thirst

"Lost Boys: The Thirst" (2010, Warner Bros, Dario Piana) is the third Lost Boys movie. If you've read my April review of the original Lost Boys, you'd know two things;
1) I love the original "Lost Boys"
2) I am a fan of Corey Feldman



But, note at the time of watching, I had not watched "Lost Boys: The Tribe"... despite having Corey Feldman in it, I'd just never gotten around to it... it looked that bad!



So this movie is pretty much Corey Feldman running around dressed like he's still in the 80s and he's still a 16 year old kid. Edgar Frog still has the same gruff voice which Batman stole (obviously), and is still pretty much useless at killing vampires (while also being surprisingly efficient at killing vampires).



The vampires are now uber-goth rejects with big teeth and terrible one-liners and the updated soundtrack is enjoyably reminiscient of the original film.



Jamison Newlander returns to the role of Alan Frog, who has now gone half-vampire after a bit of an error during a vampire-nest raid. He doesn't get to be as glamourous a vamp as Michael was, and instead spends the movie being gross with bad hair and a scowl. There is an attempt to go into his obvious depression throughout the film but it is slightly overshadowed by the movie's action.



Corey, as I mentioned, is still rockin' the 80s look, living in a caravan (or that would be 'trailer' in America) and has seemed to have forgotten how to brush his hair.



Casey B. Dolan plays Zoe, the part-time comic book shop girl, part-time vampire hunter and full-time admirer of Edgar Frog. I liked her, she was not a terribly annoying character, which is unusual in modern horror.



Edgar is talked (read as 'paid') into helping out mysterious vampire-teen-trash author, Gwen Lieber (Tanit Phoenix), in the search and rescue of her brother whom she believes has been turned into a half-vampire.



Edgar arms for bear and, along with a reality TV personality, Gwen, Zoe and a really useless cameraman, goes in to battle at the nightclub where everyone appears to be turning into vampires. As usual, the aim is to kill the head vampire, and naturally, there's a twist...or two.



Some terrible one-liners with wonderfully straight-faced delivery and some pretty good 'grr-ing' from Mr. Feldman just made this movie for me. Plus, who doesn't like a good vampire explosion???? But let's get this straight, it's not a patch on the original movie....it's just better than the second one.



A few nods to the late Corey Haim who had not been available to be in the movie anyway before he sadly passed away in 2010 (I am not sure whether Sam's death was mean't to be poignant or not). And some general background story on the other original characters is also included, although not in a way that does any justice to the plot.



If you thought the first one was tongue-in-cheek, be prepared to rip your face open. But it's a pretty good 'turn-off-your-brain' movie.

[Picture: Warner Bros]

Hani

The Crazies

"The Crazies" (2010, Overture Films, Breck Eisner) is the remake of the 1973 Romero film of the    same name.

The main plot is the same as the original, the government have developed a virus which makes people crazy, violent and eventually kills them (after they've killed as many other people first, of course).

A small town in Iowa has been infected through their water supply after a plane carrying the virus crash landed in their resevoir. Simples.

This movie follows all the usual zombie movie conventions, and does so well. Tension, gore, nasty people and 'crazies' (living zombies pretty much). I liked that the crazies still remembered who they were and other than looking veiny and disgusting, were still coherent (if not, completely sack o' hammers). Human resentment and grudges are powerful things, you know!

We follow the local police sheriff David (Timothy Olyphant), his pregnant doctor wife Judy (Radha Mitchell) and his deputy Russell (Joe Anderson) as they escape first the crazies, then the military, then both the military and the crazies.

The military presence as the straight up bad guys, as opposed to "28 days later" where they start off as the saving grace but end up corrupted, is a nice touch. The use of military style surveillance from the helicopter keeps the whole 'Big Brother is watching you' thing in play. 

Also, lets be honest with ourselves, yes the whole situation is the military and government's fault, but brutal as is it, they are only trying to stop the virus spreading worldwide. Do we even want our proragonists to survive?

A good conspiracy-cover-up/sort of zombie film.

[Picture: Overture Films]

Hani

The Cabin in the Woods

"The Cabin in the Woods" (Joss Whedon, Drew Goddard, 2012, Mutant Enemy)

A real treat for me as I am a huge Whedon fan (Buffy, Angel, Firefly, Dollhouse, Dr. Horrible's Sing-along Blog, Serenity... you name it, I like it!).

'The Cabin in the Woods', as I'm sure you're aware, is not your average 'Five-friends-go-to-a-cabin-in-the-woods-and-are-killed-off-one-by-one-by-a-dark-force-after-reading-some-creepy-latin-from-an-old book' story. Well, yes it is. Five friends (the bimbo, the jock, the smart guy, the sensible but nerdy girl and the stoner - played by Fran Kranz. Have I mentioned my huge crush on Fran Kranz?) all go to a cabin in the woods to stay for a party weekend. They go down the cellar and discover a creepy book (amongst other creepy-ass items) and proceed to read its contents aloud, causing some evil to arise. Mayhem, mayhem, mayhem....

Whedon's well-known talent to create characters who appear to fit a generic profile, but are really lovable and much deeper than that, shines through in this flick. All the characters are not really how they appear, and even the characters in the 'evil' lab are enjoyably rounded.

You'd think Amy Acker would be getting a bit bored of being hot-lab-coat-lady by now, but she pulls it off with her usual flair.
Also, I have to enjoy any movie with a hot female red-head in lead role! Hats off to you, Kirsten Connolly!

The gore and action is exciting and well paced. The story is consistently topsy-turvy in true Whedon form. And we are left at the end to think "who's the true evil here? Is it we, the horror viewer? Are we the reason behind all this???"

A few well placed homages to the horror greats, excellent acting and the kind of witty banter one has come to expect from Mr. Whedon makes this movie a new favourite! Can't wait for the DVD Joss!

 

(Picture: Mutant Enemy "Grr Arg!")