Dolls

"Dolls" (1987, Stuart Gordon, Empire Pictures) is a killer doll movie.


Little Judy Bower (Carrie Lorraine) is an unlucky tyke. Her parents are divorced and she's stuck on holiday with her selfish father, David (Ian Patrick Williams), and his new wife, Rosemary (Carolyn Purdy Gordon) - the epitome of wicked stepmother and lover of hair wraps.


After their trip is cut short due to a thunderstorm, the family seek shelter in a nearby house; that of elderly puppet-maker, Gabriel Hartwicke (Guy Rolfe) and his rather dotty wife, Hilary (Hilary Mason). They are later joined by some other stranded strangers; punk girls and thieves, Isabel (Bunty Bailey) and Enid (Cassie Stuart), and the child-at-heart schmo the girls have marked as their next robbery victim, Ralph (Steven Lee). The old couple are very accommodating, giving everyone a room each for the night and offering them supper and wine. Gabriel also gifts the young Judy a Mr Punch doll upon finding out that Rosemary threw her favourite teddy bear into the woods!


But as the night wears on the dolls and puppets placed around the large house seem to move, strange voices can be heard coming from behind locked doors, people appear to go missing and suspicious bloodstains begin to appear. Are the friendly Hartwicke's up to something devious? Will Judy escape from her awful father and stepmother? What's the deal with Mr Punch? All is revealed in this fun, cheesy caper.


Despite falling into the low-budget category, "Dolls" enjoys some effects that still look good today. The doll face effects can vary in quality between props, but are pretty good overall. There's also a variety of different little doll-monsters to enjoy and the scenes with them in are fun in a way similar to the "Puppet Master" series. There's also the added layer of watching the dolls' creation which was pretty fun.


Rolfe and Mason provide some likeable villains with an effective creep-factor, both Williams and Gordon also bring some unlikeable fodder to the tale and Bailey and Stuart provide further villains with more annoying accents. Carrie Lorraine does great work as the little leading lady and pushes the plot on with her childish curiosity and bravery.


There's a lesson in there about being a nice person, being a good parent and also about watching out for vengeful dolls. The film delivers this in a gleefully schlocky b-movie way before sending us on our way as yet another family of unhappy individuals lands themselves on the doorstep of Hartwicke's dollhouse....

[Image: Empire Pictures]

Hani

I Married a Witch

"I Married a Witch" (1942, René Clair, Paramount Pictures) is a black and white comedy romance based on the unfinished novel titled "The Passionate Witch" by Thorne Smith which was later completed by Norman H. Matson .

The witch, Jennifer (Veronica Lake), curses the Wooley family in Puritan times after she and her father Daniel (Cecil Kellaway) are denounced as witches and sentenced to death by Jonathan Wooley (Fredrich March). The Wooley curse is to never find happiness in love, and this haunts the descendants of the Wooley clan up until 'present' day.

When Jennifer and Daniel's spirits are released by accident on the eve of Wallace Wooley's (also Fredric March) wedding to spoiled, gold digging bride, Estelle (Susan Hayward), Jennifer sees an opportunity to further punish the Wooley clan and attempts to woo Wallace and ruin not only his unhappy wedding, but also his run for Governor. But spells can be tricky things, and often go awry...

Veronica Lake is stunning, but the best thing about her is her comedic timing. Jennifer is a marvellous character and we enjoy every devious minute that she's on screen. The film enjoys great pacing, fantastic effects, considering the time of production, and a delightful and well portrayed story.

If you're looking for some lighthearted Halloween entertainment, this could definitely be for you.

[Image: Paramount Pictures]

Hani

Suspiria (2018)

"Suspiria" (2018, Luca Guadagnino K Period Media, Frenesy Film Company, Videa Mythology Entertainment, Memo Films, Vega Baby) is the arthouse re-imagining of the 1977 Dario Argento film of the same name.

Susie Bannion (Dakota Johnson) leaves Ohio and enrols in a dance academy in West Berlin. She becomes the favourite of the instructor, Madame Blanc (Tilda Swinton), but begins to suspect that something very strange is going on at the school as she and her friend Sara (Mia Goth) begin investigating. At the same time, a psychologist (also Swinton in impressive prosthetics making this, minus some minor roles, an all-female cast) is investigating the school after the disappearance of  his patient, Patricia (Chloë Grace Moretz), who had left journals stating that she believed the matrons of the school to be witches.

Cards on the table I did not love this film. I found the length excessive with long winded shots and scenes that seemed artsy for the sake of it, rather than a statement or style. The film's pacing was tedious and I found the plot to be somewhat incoherent (and that's saying something from me, a fan of some of the most incoherent B-movies ever made). The whole side-plot with the Doctor seemed unnecessary and the grim styling, which I'll get to below, coupled with the pacing made the film seem even slower. Unlike the original, the remake also didn't have a strong memorable score. In honesty, I can't imagine how this could be achieved without infringing on the original, but I felt that I barely noticed the score at all.

That's not to say that I didn't find things I liked about the film. The styling and colouration of the original could not be matched or recreated without seeming like a pointless copy, so I admire the direction of Guadagnino to go his own way. The style seems consistent with West Berlin in the 70s. The scenery is also reminiscent of the original but much more drab, grey and gritty. I also appreciated that the film was immersed completely in its German setting. As a German language learner I was thrilled to pick up most of the German dialogue without the need of subtitles. However, for non-speakers of the language it perhaps made a long film feel even longer.

The body-horror elements were really good; lots of bone breaking, gut spilling and pants pissing, and a very chaotic and Giallo-homage ridden scene filled to the brim with nude dancers and grizzled old witches. However, the journey to reach the payoffs was long and, although the gore and effects were stunning, even these scenes seemed overly long and lingered too much which, for me, robbed them of some of their effect.

While I didn't hate the film, I am unlikely to watch it again and view it as an experience as a genre fan, rather than a piece of entertainment. Clearly it just isn't for me.

[Image: K Period Media, et al]

Hani

Suspiria

"Suspiria" (Dario Argento, 1977, Seda Spettacoli, Produzioni Atlas Consorziate) is a supernatural Giallo horror set in Freiburg, Germany.

Suzy Bannion (Jessica Harper) is a young American ballet student who enrols at a prestigious German dance academy. In a memorable opening scene she arrives at the school at night during a thunderstorm to find the building locked up. Before giving in and leaving to try again during the day she glimpses what appears to be another student leaving the school in a panic and running into the woods. The next day Suzy is welcomed to the school by the stern Miss Tanner (Alida Valli) and headmistress, Madam Blanc (Joan Bennett), but learns of the grim murder of one of the students; the girl she saw running the previous night... During her studies, and having befriended neighbouring student, Sara (Stefania Casini), Suzy begins to suspect that something very grim is going on at the academy...

An intriguing film that enjoys stunning scenes. The lavish styling, setting and lighting are some of the most recognisable in film. The scoring by prog-rock band Goblin is also very unique, striking and effective. I am also a fan of the wardrobe. Every character is adorned in some beautiful garment or quirky suit - it's a real stylish piece of cinema.

Harper provides a strong but sympathetic protagonist who spends the duration of the film working things out head-on and without shying away. As with most movies of this type, keeping up with the plot can be an exercise and it's the kind of film that seems to unlock more and more detail with each viewing. We are treated with action from the onset with stabbings, hangings, razor wire pits and reanimated corpses to keep us entertained.

There's very little reference made in the film, aside from the introduction, of it being set in Germany and the scenes involving Dr. Mandel and Professor Milius can seem a little jarring and out of place. But the beauty of this movie is in its stylish flair and the urgency of its pacing.

I was first introduced to this film at an all-night horror film festival and I have enjoyed many re-watches since then. It is also the first of Argento's "The Three Mothers" trilogy.

[Image:  Produzioni Atlas Consorziate]

Hani

Hereditary

"Hereditary" (2018, Ari Aster, PalmStar Media, Finch Entertainment, Windy Hill Pictures) is a supernatural horror centred around a very unusual family.


When her mother, Ellen, dies, artist Annie (Toni Collette), feels guilty that she is not sad. Her mother had been a very difficult person to love, after all. Her husband, Steve (Gabriel Byrne), is supportive and her teenaged son, Peter (Alex Wolff), is fairly indifferent. But her young daughter, Charlie (Milly Shapiro), who was closest to her grandmother, is inconsolable.


Annie and her family are a strange bunch at the best of times, but little Charlie is an unusual child with a somewhat morose interest in death. Throughout the film we begin to learn or catch glimpses of just how strange the family's lives have been. When tragedy strikes the family again they begin to understand that there is something darker at play here, and it may all stem from Ellen...


A really enthralling film that kept me captivated throughout. Although the plot doesn't deliver constant pulse-pounding terror, the characters are just odd enough and the plot just emotional enough to keep you on the edge of your seat. I left the cinema with a haunted sense of melancholy that didn't shift for a few days. I felt essentially haunted by this film! It's a feeling I don't get often, but it's definitely something I'd consider to be a good sign.


Annie is a study in dysfunctionality, perfectly and movingly performed by Collette who keeps the tension and emotion dialled up to 11 with a believable and oddly sympathetic effect despite some of the character's actions.


Shaprio gives a very memorable and haunting performance as the disturbing young Charlie, and Wolff really brings the events affecting Peter to a level that surpasses typical horror movie levels. Byrne's father character is against all odds, trying to keep the family going. The film is superiorly acted on all counts.


Although the final scenes may seem to go to sudden and extreme lengths in quick succession, as a 70s horror fan, I felt that it really paid an excellent but modernised homage to the genre.


Definitely worth catching in the cinema, it may not terrify you, but it will certainly stay with you for a while...

[Image: PalmStar Media, et al]

Hani

The Ritual

"The Ritual" (2017, David Bruckner, Entertainment One, Imaginarium Productions) is the film adaptation of the novel by Adam Nevill.

A group of friends go on a hiking trip in the Swedish Wilderness to honour the tragic death of their friend. However, the trip goes from melancholy to menacing when they become lost and begin to realise that they are being chased by a dark and powerful presence in the forest.

"The Ritual" is good for a number of reasons and I'm going to try and get these down with as few spoilers as possible. But, as ever, if you'd rather not know any details before watching I recommend you click away now because there's lots of things I want to say about this film.

Firstly, the film (and I also assume the book, but I'm yet to read it, having only learned of its existence through researching this film) explores a lot of deep stuff. Our main protagonist is Luke (Rafe Spall) who witnessed the murder of his friend, Robert (Paul Reid), first hand and was spared a similar fate only by hiding. Throughout the film we see that Luke is haunted even before the forest with his deep guilt over not doing more to save Robert. He's a broken man who hasn't yet started to deal with what's happened. We also get to learn, as the group's friendships unravel in the stress of survival, that he's not alone in blaming himself for Robert's demise. The main journey of the film becomes not just survival of the forest, but of being a survivor ultimately and pushing past guilt to move forward in life. It's a strong message and "The Ritual" handles it well and with care. Luke is no hero. He's not even a particularly charming or likeable character. He's just a guy trying to live with what's happening. And I found that to be very effective and kind of refreshing.

Our other college buddies consist of; charismatic leader, Hutch (Robert James-Collier); quiet but funny Phil (Arsher Ali) and; the guy who doesn't really want to be there at all, Dom (Sam Troughton). The group dynamic is good and the team come across as genuine old college pals all moving on in their lives. We get a hint of everyone's fears in the movie and the characters are rounded enough to care about. Although personally I feel Phil was a bit short changed in the end.

Now to tackle what I really liked about the film; The scares. It's not a huge dialogue driven piece and the strong visuals make this a good thing. There's been a lot of 'thoughtful' 'quiet' horror recently that's more boring than artfully chilling, but "The Ritual" delivers its scares with style. The setting (actually Romania) goes from beautiful and picturesque to menacing and dark very nicely. We have some horror tropes in the form of spooky signs and abandoned cabins that don't feel overdone and are plot-relevant. We even have a skilful build up of our main antagonist from glimpses through the trees to a full on reveal that is both still scary and wonderfully designed. There are jumps and gore, freaky dream sequences, perilous situations and mythology.

The plot moves along at a good pace and the story actually develops as we go without just repeating the same style of scares over and over again. There are, of course, weaker points but they're all pretty arbitrary. Really, in my view, this film deserves lots of praise.

[Image: Entertainment One, Netflix, et al]

Hani

The Last Witch Hunter

"The Last Witch Hunter" (2015, Breck Eisner, Atmosphere Productions, One Race Films, Goldmann Pictures, Summit Entertainment) is a horror-fantasy action thriller set in New York City.

Kaulder (Vin Diesel) vanquished the Witch Queen (Julie Engelbrecht) over 800 years ago when her Black Plague took his family, friends and countrymen. Before her demise, however, the creepy queen bestowed upon Kaulder the curse of eternal life.

In modern day we find Kaulder is still hunting and stopping witches from causing havoc under the orders of the Axe and Cross organisation. Often, however, he does not kill the witches, finding that they are sometimes young and unable to control their powers. In some instances, however, offending witch criminals are arrested or executed at his hand. He is helped in his task by a priest known as "Dolan". His current Dolan is number 36 (Michael Caine), although a new, younger Dolan is prepped ready to take over as number 37 (Elijah Wood).

When Dolan the 36th is harmed, Kaulder goes on the hunt for the perpetrator with the help of a young witch called Chloe (Rose Leslie). However, the deeper Kaulder gets in on the mystery, the more he fears that the dark, forgotten powers of the Queen are rising...

A silly, hokey, dark action fantasy film that plays through almost like a film version of someone's D&D campaign read-through. Whilst it's entertaining enough, it does suffer from some slow scenes and a few side plots that don't add much to the overall story. The effects are fun, though, and our Witch Queen is a much better realised character than, but somewhat similar to the concept of Enchantress from "Suicide Squad".

Hani

A Dark Song

"A Dark Song" (2016, Liam Gavin, IFC Midnight) is an indy horror from Ireland centred around the Occult.

Sophia (Catherine Walker) is a grieving mother who goes to an isolated house in the Welsh countryside with occultist, Joseph (Steve Oram), in order to perform a series of rituals to summon her guardian angel and speak with her deceased, 7-year old child. However, any slip can lead to the ritual going awry, with possible deadly results.

A slow, quiet movie with a really effective soundtrack and a stylistic storytelling method that doesn't particularly grab you by the shoulders, but does build up ominously. The black magic rituals have an element of realism to them that make the scenes effective. The magic is hard, and dirty and gross. The pretty stuff is simple and limited and the things on the other side are not friendly.

The gritty realism of the occult elements really play well with the disharmonious relationship between the determined, desperate woman and her reluctant, angry, world-weary spiritual guide. Sophie's inexperience and desperate resolution goes up against Joseph's seen-it-all-and-sick-of-it attitude, and his brash rudeness towards her drives her to fight against him, making the already gruelling process worse.

The quiet, desolate story telling style is effective, but it does make the experience of the film quite slow-going. While there were parts where I was on the edge of my seat, there were certainly sparse areas where I was just waiting on something moving the plot forward.

An altogether gloomy piece with a haunting impact. Innovative, if a little slow to get started.

[Image: IFC Midnight]

 

Hani 

The Institute

"The Institute" (2017, James Franco, Pamela Romanowsky, Jeff Rice Films, Redwire Pictures, Campbell Grobman Films, Dark Rabbit Productions) is a period horror set in The Rosewood Institute; a real life place in Baltimore which was closed in the 90s.

A grief stricken well-to-do girl called Isobel (Allie Galerani) checks herself into the institute in order to get over her parents' death. She is subjected to torturous "treatments" at the hands of Dr. Cairn (James Franco) and his staff.

A dull and arduous movie that takes a long time to get going and then doesn't deliver anything worthwhile. The acting is tedious and the plot is over-trodden tropes that have been done better elsewhere. The story waivers between wanting to be psychological and wanting to be supernatural and the draw for our leading lady to wish to stay at the institute is very weak.The horror elements fall straight into the sexploitation category and don't manage to make much more of it than re-tread ground already done rather effectively in the 60s and 70s.

All in all the only thing I enjoyed about this film was the slide at the end of the credits where I learned that Rosewood was a real place and that led me down a short rabbit hole about the place's history. And guess what, it was nowhere near as interesting as the film hinted at.

[Image: Dark Rabbit Productions, et al]

Hani

The Love Witch

"The Love Witch" (2016, Anna Biller, Oscilloscope Laboratories) is an homage to the 60s technicolor era.

Elaine (Samantha Robinson) is a beautiful young witch turned femme fatale, who uses witchcraft in her bid to find a lover. Unfortunately, her charms and potions never quite strike the balance leaving a trail of lovesick corpses in her wake...

A beautifully crafted film that merges the style, fashions and feel of the 60s era films with a more modern setting. The film also enjoys the randomness of 60s horror with a ridiculous plot and set of characters. The colour palette is very pleasing to the eye. Stylistically this film is outstanding.

Elaine is used as a metaphor for womanhood and man's fear of the powerful woman, but conversely, Elaine is also a weak character; completely narcissistic, self involved and obsessed with finding someone to fawn over her. Her sudden disinterest in any man she wins over and her ongoing thirst for more affection  drives her to enchant and enslave more and more men. But it's a thirst that may never be sated...

Although the plot veers a little too into the obscure style of technicolor/pulp era with a large diversion to a medieval fayre and with a run-time of 120 minutes the shlockiness and purposefully stilted acting do begin to outstay their welcome. However, the style and humour make up for any short comings, and the film overall creates a very memorable impact.

Definitely something different to try this Valentine's Day.

[Image: Oscilloscope Laboratories]

Hani 

The Witch

"The Witch" (2016, Robert Eggers, Parts and Labour, Rooks Nest Entertainment, RT Features) is an atmospheric horror set in 17th Century New England and centred around a very unlucky family.

William (Ralph Ineson) is excommunicated and banished from his puritan Christian plantation, along with his family; wife, Katherine (Kate Dickie), daughter Thomasin (Anya Taylor-Joy), son Caleb (Harvey Scrimshaw) and twins Mercy and Jonas (Ellie Grainger and Lucas Dawson). They set up home at a rough farm and Katherine gives birth to a boy called Sam. The infant disappears whilst Thomasin is playing with him and the disappearance is blamed upon "the witch of the wood". But there really is something lurking in the shadows and, as the unlucky family begin pointing fingers at each other screaming witchcraft, something is tearing them apart.

Oh, and the twins claim to be able to speak to the black goat called Philip.

A slow burning film with a good atmosphere and realistic, harsh depictions of the hardships of the puritan era. The language can be quite difficult to stay in tune with and, although the horror elements are really good, they are relatively scarce and the film is certainly not jumpy. But the tale is grim and the fear and grief of William and his family is palpable. It really explores some of the darker themes of humanity and the little doocots we put ourselves in.

The scenery, costumes and sound design are all absolutely spot on and bring a sense of period drama to the film. The film felt old and it had a lot to say. I expect more great things to come from Mr. Eggers, certainly. I was left with an almost shell-shocked feeling towards the end of the film which is a good sign, but as a whole it wasn't at all what I'd expected and I feel it was more thought-provoking and unsettling than 'scary'.

[Image: Rooks Nest Entertainment, et al]

Hani

The Witches of Eastwick

"The Witches of Eastwick" (1987, George Miller, Guber-Peters Company, Warner Bros.) is a black comedy film about witches and The Beast, based on the book by John Updike.

Three bored women (Cher, Susan Sarandon and Michelle Pfeiffer) are going about their unsatisfying lives in Eastwick, a small American town. Unaware that they are endowed with mystical powers, the three women accidentally invoke the powers that be and conjure up Daryl Van Horne (Jack Nicholson).

Van Horne is an oddly charismatic sleaze ball and despite their better judgement, the women start spending time with him and honing their powers. Unfortunately, rumours begin to spread about the town, helped by local gossip, Felicia (Veronica Cartwright), who begins to lose her mind due to the presence of Van Horne.

The women try to rid their lives of him, only to find him not so easily gotten rid of!

A fun flick, it certainly dishes up the crazy with Nicholson at his usual best and Cartwright spewing cherry pips everywhere.

It's a battle of the sexes and a product of its time. While it's certainly not the best witch comedy out there, it's worth watching.

 

 

[Image: Warner Bros.]

Hani

Open Graves

"Open Graves" (2009, Álvaro de Armiñán, Alchemedia Films Manufacturas, Open Pictures, Voltage Pictures) is basically "Jumanji" with college students and horror.

A group of friends are enjoying life in the Spanish sun. Jason (Mike Vogel, who you may recognise from the Texas Chainsaw remake or from "Cloverfield") is a fresh college graduate enjoying some gap year opportunities, Tomas (Iman Nazemzadeh) is a photographer who is sleeping with as many models who are willing, Lisa (Lindsay Caroline Robba) is an aspiring model and girlfriend of Tomas, Elena (Naike Rivelli) is another model who is more than happy to give Tomas what he wants, and Miguel (Ander Pardo) and Pablo (Boris Martinez) are local guys who are good friends with Tomas and Jason.

Jason has also found a love interest in the form of Erica (Eliza Dushku), an American surfer chick out to explore the world and 'find herself'.

While wandering around the shops, Jason comes across a strange place peddling trinkets and spooky knick-knacks. He is convinced to take a game called "Mamba" as a 'gift' from the shop's owner.

At night, the gang and Erica are enjoying a beach front fire party, when a storm suddenly begins. Heading to cover inside, only to find that the power is out, they decide to check out the strange board game which Jason was given.

Each player rolls their turn and is put out of the game via a creepy 'Epitaph' card. They all dismiss the game as nonsense, but it isn't long before each 'player' begins dying in real life, and in ways ever so closely matched to their 'Epitaph' card from the game!

As the remaining friends frantically try to stop their impending doom reaching them, their number becomes increasingly small as the grisly deaths pile up.

A nice little yarn which is passable for a one-view-only, but not really what I'd call a 'good horror movie'.

The CGI isn't the best, but that's relatively forgiveable. There's a lot of would-be gory scenes ruined by it, though. The film's not scary, but it did a bring a smile to my face once or twice with the death scenes which are creative to the point of hilarity.

The game prop itself is quite impressive, though! English-written cards not withstanding... 

Really, this is just a film made to showcase the ever awesome Eliza Dushku as a sexy surfer lady, rather than a particularly serious horror film. There are a lot of good plot points hinted at and just never brought to fruition, and generally, didn't add any depth to the film.

It has potential and could be fun as a drinking game, but really next time I'll just watch "Jumanji" and then an episode of "Dollhouse"...

[Image: Voltage Pictures]

Hani

The Lords of Salem

"The Lords of Salem" (2012, Rob Zombie, Alliance Films, Automatik Entertainment, Haunted Films, IM Global, Blumhouse Productions) is the film I was most excited for at Glasgow Fright Fest 2013.

As a fan of Rob Zombie's music and his films, I was waiting in anticipation for this film and it was one of the first main attractions for going to the festival (not that I wouldn't have gone had it not been showing!).

I'm pleased to say I was not disappointed, and while Lords isn't quite in the same style as "House of 1000 Corpses" or "The Devil's Rejects", it is really enjoyable! I felt it was well put together, and had the feeling of a Hammer Horror (such as "The Devil Rides Out") mixed with a touch of "Rosemary's Baby", there was also some classic 70s horror weirdness in there, especially any scenes with the Beast himself in them.

Heidi (Sheri Moon Zombie) is a radio DJ on Salem's local radio station. She co-hosts a show with her sometimes lover, Herman "Whitey" Salvador (Jeff Daniel Phillips) and also Herman Jackson (Ernest Lee Thomas).

One day, Heidi receives a strange record by a band called "The Lords" in a creepy wooden box. After a drunken night in with Whitey, they stick on the record and it behaves strangely, trying to play backwards. When it finally starts playing Heidi begins to feel strange and see odd visions. She kicks Whitey out and heads to bed where she dreams strange dreams.

Regardless, they play the record on the show and it becomes a hit with the listeners. The Lords also announce a gig in Salem and provide free tickets to anyone who wants them. But are The Lords all that they appear? Or is there something more sinister going on? And is the sweet little old landlady and her sisters really all that sweet?

An atmospheric film which is both slow burning and also quite trippy, The Lords of Salem is enjoyable and weird. Good visuals and a fitting soundtrack give the desired effect. Although, it's not for everyone, and is certainly no gore fest.

Several notable scream queens are present in this film including:

• Magenta from Rocky Horror, Patricia Quinn
• Meg Foster (she was in John Carpenter's "They Live")
• Barbara Crampton ("Re-Animator")
• María Conchita Alonso ("Predator 2", "The Running Man")
• Dee Wallace ("E.T.", "The Howling", "The Hills Have Eyes", "Cujo")

 The coven scenes are excellent, if you can handle that much naked old lady, and really hark back to the glory days of witch horror, when Vincent Price was hunting them down and Joan Fontaine was losing her mind to witchcraft!

I actually liked the end which sped up and delved back into the Zombie we know and love and, for me, brought all the craziness to a head.

Good, different, but not gory, this film may be a point of contention amongst fans, but is a bold move by the ever talented Rob Zombie.

[Image: Haunted Films]

Hani

Dead & Buried

"Dead & Buried" (1981, Barclays Mercantile Industrial Finance Ltd, Optimum Releasing Ltd, Gary Sherman) is a classy little gorefest from some of the people behind 'Alien' and also featuring a small role from Robert Englund, (who went on to become Freddy Krueger).

This is another horror which was deemed  a 'video nasty' here in the UK, and I can see why. "Dead & Buried" is not afraid of showing all the grisly bits!

Dan (James Farentino) is the Sheriff of a small coastal American town called Potter's Bluff. He's been living there for some time with his school teacher wife, Janet (Melody Anderson), and has come to know all of the locals.

When a string of horrific murders begins in the town, Dan becomes suspicious that perhaps his idyllic little town full of his friendly neighbours is more sinister than it appears. His suspicions grow when he notices some new, but equally friendly, faces appearing about town as if they have always been there.

With a great and interesting story "Dead and Buried" brings a satisfyingly gory edge and a lot of shock moments, despite its charmingly post-70s feel. There are a lot of burning, slicing, bludgeoning and gouging scenes which are as adventurous as they are disgusting!

Creepy, gory and confusing, with a relatively obvious twist, I thoroughly enjoyed this film and will hold it in high esteem over some modern attempts I've seen recently! The acting is excellent, and far exceeds my expectations in horror! Jack Albertson, in particular, plays his eccentric mortician character to an enjoyable tune.

Definitely worth watching!

[Image: Optimum Releasing Ltd]

Hani

Witchcraft

"Witchcraft" (1989, Robert Spera, Digital Entertainment Limited) is a low budget witch horror which managed to rack up a surprising number of spin offs and sequels (mostly skin flicks to be honest), despite being one of the most boring, unoriginal witch horrors ever made!

Taking most of the plot from "Rosemary's Baby" and sticking in some of  "The Omen" and "The Amittyville Horror", this film is hardly original. When Grace (Anat Topol-Barzilai) moves into her creepy mother-in-law's mansion house (mother-in-law played by Mary Shelley - awesome name. Shame about the acting...)  with her partner John (Gary Sloan) and their brand new baby, it isn't long before she begins to suspect that not everything, or indeed everyone, is what they appear.

It soon transpires that Grace has unwittingly managed to get herself involved in a witchcraft cult, and now that she's given them what they wanted, a baby, she's really of no further use to them.

A terrible and harrowing film with some nicely hilarious effects which are the only reason I kept watching (well, that, my two good friends and a bottle of rum helped...). From the sacrificial cuddly toy, to the beheaded mannequin this film truly scrapes the barrel of effects to bring up what, even in the 80s, was beyond low budget.

No jumps, no scares and certainly no inventive plot, this film is less of a cheesy B-movie and more of a "Can I get those 85 minutes of my life back?" movie. A somewhat poor attempt to exploit the success of raunchy 70s horrors, this film didn't leave me eager to watch any of the sequels or indeed, rewatch this one ever again.

On the upside, the bloody drooling scene was good fun.

I don't recommend, but if you must torture yourself, by all means do!

[Image: Digital Entertainment Limited]

Witchfinder General

"Witchfinder General" (1968, Tigon British-American International, Michael Reeves) is a British witch trials-centred horror starring the horror master, Vincent Price.

Price plays The Witchfinder, Matthew Hopkins (an actual man in British History, who was responsible for many atrocities in his time, but wasn't sanctioned by the government or church, unlike this tale).

The year is 1645, the time of The English Civil War, and law and order are virtually non-existent. Belief in witches is rife, and the scapegoating of women for everyday ills and unfair treatment is commonplace. Hopkins spends his life travelling the length and breadth of the country 'hunting', torturing and exacting justice on 'witches' with his team of followers.

Vincent Price is terrifying in this film, even by today's standards. Hopkins is insane, determined, evil minded and has the power of 'god' behind him... The church of the day supported this kind of behaviour, so no one was safe.

A lot of screaming goes on in this film. A lot. It's virtually a screamfest. I had to turn it down to avoid annoying my neighbours!

Despite there being pretty much no gore at all, the tense, suspicious feeling this film creates is tangible. There are also some hanging scenes which are disturbing in their simplicity.

Being a later film of this type, they felt the need to bring in some boob shots and a lot of shots of the whoring and activities of the menfolk. And we all know the priest's neice is in for some trouble after her pre-marital sexcapades with her betrothed! Also there's some rape. Thankfully off camera, but rape nonetheless.

Hopkins rolls into town to accuse the Priest of being in league with Satan (and all his little wizards if you watch 'Blackadder'). His neice is distraught and bargains for his safety with her virtue (little does Matthew know she's not actually a virgin...). When her soldier fiancé finds out, he races back to save the day!

As I mentioned, a lot of screaming and hangings (and other real witch finding tortures; pricking with needles, dooking in water, the ladder over fire....). There's little gore, but some very red blood. The story is simple and effective (I have never read the novel, so can't comment on trueness to plot) and as I mentioned, Price is an excellent villain in this piece! Even his own men hate him!

A surprisingly brutal film, with some remarkably true points on witch hunting in Britain in this era, as well as a good yarn. Oh, and no actual witches. This isn't a supernatural film!

[Picture: Tigon British-American International]

 

Hani

 

Demon Wind

"Demon Wind" (1990, Charles Philip Moore, Demon Wind Productions Ltd., United Filmmakers) is a low budget demon movie which uses every overused horror convention known to man.

See checklist:

• Boy and girl on a trip in the sticks? Yep
• Boy with bad past, digging it up a little? Yep
• Bad dreams and premonitions about a creepy place resulting in the characters deciding to go to said creepy place? Check
• Creepy petrol station and even creepier couple owning it? Certainly!
• Inhospitable locals? You got it!
• Religious stuff and the weirdest demonic beginning ever? Uh huh
• Crusified remains? Yep
• Evil fog? Oh yes!
• Spooky old books and characters dumbly reading them aloud to begin the mayhem? Of course!
• Demons?
• Zombie things?
• Spew?
• Bloody writing?
• Magick spells?
• Ghosts?
• Confusing, 2D characters?
• Inescapable location?
• Odd special effects?
• Creepy children?
• Demonic voices?
• Evil fog?
• A place you can't leave or escape?
• Technology failing them?
• Never-ending shotgun rounds?
• Yes to all!

Oh yes! This film is like 10 films in one. And all of them kind of suck!

Oh, but one thing that was missing.... Demon Wind! That was what made me click play on the YouTube machine! I wondered, is it about demonic gas? Evil methane? Or is it a place like the name of the house is 'Demon's Wind' or something? Nope. Still confused!

The main character is called Corey (Eric Larson) and he and his girlfriend, Elaine (Francine Lapensée) are driving to Corey's old family home; a delapidated farm house in the middle of nowhere. His father has committed suicide after telling Corey that their family is cursed for worshipping Satan and that his grandparents had died in the cottage in a fire started by a Demon worshipping madman cleric.

How's that for a plot? Bloody crazy? Oh, it gets better.

So, it seems ol' Corey just couldn't have himself and Elaine have all the family tree, family death plot viewing fun to themselves, and invited all of their friends. And the friends actually turn up! Go figure!

Some of the friends are hilarious:

• You have a magical karate kid magician who looks a lot like Jared Padalecki (but obviously isn't as he's way too young!)
• You have the sensible dude (you know he's sensible because he speaks proper English and wears glasses) who from some angles kind of looks like a very young Alan Tudyk (but isn't).
• And you have your jock, who looks a bit like Zack from "Saved By The Bell". But isn't.

The characters are all a bit touchy-feely and everything just seems plain forced. There's also some awkward demon-boob-groping, which is a bit reminiscent of "Basketcase", but with clothes.

The dialogue is terrible, and the demons (and pretty much most of the plot) is like a crappy copy of "Evil Dead". There's also a lot of shots of demons spewing white stuff and I believe most of the SFX budget was blown on one particular scene where Magician dude and the dude called Stacey (Jack Vogel) blow apart some zombie-demon/deadite-knockoffs with sawed off shotguns. Body parts flying everywhere!

I especially enjoyed the very 80s/90s neon light special effects!

The end is just confusing with Corey and Elaine suddenly becoming super witches and then Corey's head going all Coneheads-meets-Star Trek.

One thing I really liked though; how do you have a haunted farmhouse and a place for your characters to be stuck in if your farmhouse has been inconveniently burnt down in the opening scene? Easy! Alternate dimensions! Enter through the door and go back in time to the full house. Enter from the side of the ruin, and stay in reality!

Things that really just annoyed me:

1. Maggots in an egg.... WTF?
2. They get magic knives, or Athanes, which will kill the demons. They use both up very quickly and promptly lose them.
3. Why did one girl turn into a demonic baby doll?!
4. Why did one guy grow backwards and turn into a dove?!

These are the questions I'd like answered!

Generally, a complete and utter load of crazy with some typical demonic voices and several plots going at once. In fact, I'm still confused! This film didn't know what it was, and tried to do everything. All that was missing was a possessed hand and some foliage rape and this damn circus would have been a complete rip from the great mind of Raimi. But again it's free, so if you want to find out for yourself just how awesomely bad this film is, get on YouTube!

[Picture: United Filmmakers]

"Demon Wind - It'll blow you away!"

Hani

Devour

"Devour" (2005, David Winkler, Bigel Entertainment Productions) is a film about Satan, satanists, the human mind, odd compulsions to murder, destiny and evil online computer games. Also, I'd say in today's world, it could also be seen as a film about online security and just how much info. about ourselves is out there floating on the internet, accessible by anyone in the know. But mainly, it's about Jensen Ackles being, in the words of Zoolander, really, really ridiculously good looking!

Now, that may seem like an indepth set of themes there, but don't be fooled. There's not much depth to this film.

Basically, we meet Jake Gray (Jensen Ackles, the reason I even bought this film!), a college student who is being haunted by disturbing flashes of him murdering people and also mutilating himself. Flashes he can't explain, but compulsions that he fears and kind of enjoys. We meet his two weird friends, Dakota (Dominique Swain), a pretty, blonde, alternative chick, who's *cough* 'flirtatious' nature has gotten her into an uncomfortable arrangement with her lecherous lecturer, and Conrad "Conny" (Teach Grant), a stoner, layabout non-achiever.

Conny has become a little off-kilter recently.... well, he's bought a gun and seems to be intent on using it. Jake questions him on it, and Conny tells him that he's begun playing an online RP-game called "The Pathway", where you give it all your details, it periodically phones you and gives you 'challenges' which allow you to progress through the levels. Only, these 'challenges' generally involve murder, mayhem and suicide. Oh, and Conny has signed Jake up as a birthday present. What a nice friend!

Jake meets a girl, Marisol (Shannyn Sossamon), when he 'fixes' her laptop for free, costing him his wages and job in the IT shop. As Conny and Dakota begin to get wrapped into the game and then commit suicide (I did like the gruesome suicides!), Marisol and Jake work to free Jake from "The Pathway" and its satan-worshipping creator's grip.

There's some low-budget special effects, fire, shouting, demonic revelations, log cabins, pentagrams, satanic rituals... satanic incest.... you want it, it's there.

The script is not the best, the characters are 2 dimensional and disposable, the plot twist is just weird, but they did have quite a good satan-lady outfit, so they get points for that.

It's not a good film, but Jensen's performance keeps it going, although he did seem to get over his satanic discovery pretty quickly...

All in all, I've seen MUCH worse, and I'm not exactly going to take it to the charity shop, but it's not a scary film, and may only be fun for 'Supernatural' fans and B-movie lovers.

[Picture: Bigel Entertainment]

Hani 

The Craft

"The Craft" (1996, Andrew Fleming, Columbia Pictures)

Hey, so I enjoy some teeny-bopper witch 'horror'! I'm not embarrassed about it :)

The Craft is about four teenage girls who get into Witchcraft at school, and how they become corrupted by it. I think it's probably really about drugs... But as I'm from the 'Buffy' era, I'm going to ignore that logic and stick to the magicks.

It's not really a 'horror' movie. It's more like "10 Things..." but with more witchcraft and less singing Heath Ledger. Although if you have a thing about snakes, spiders and creepy crawlies you should probably avoid this one.

You have the usual 'Troubled-Teen-from-broken-home-new-girl-on-the-block' story.
You have your typical American High School stereotypes.
You have your 4 teen witches.

They're outcasts and they're hormonal. It's pretty obvious that they're going to use their magickal powers for their own gain. If you know anything of the Laws of Magick, it's that everything is supposed to come back to the caster three-fold; it's all about consequences. This movie is about getting what you want and then living with the consequences.

The Craft is a bit of a guilty pleasure, like 'The Sugababes' album that I keep hidden away from the rest of my CD collection and my copy of 'I Know What You Did Last Summer'. It's a turn-your-brain-off kind of movie.

The girls start off with small-ish spells, but eventually Nancy, the one who's most into the Craft, convinces them to help perform a much more advanced spell, and soon afterwards she becomes a much more twisted character.

The girls eventually turn on the 'new girl', Sarah, who begins to have seconds thoughts and tries to bind the other witches from their talents. The climatic scene with all the creepies I mentioned earlier, is entertaining, but a lot of the magickal talents the girls strive for are less Evil-Willow and more Sabrina...

I reiterate; a turn-your-brain-off-movie, but hey it's one of the most successful teeny-bopper 'horrors' about witches out there, so that has to mean something, right?

 (Picture: Columbia Pictures)